Closed Door

Before I go into details about the title, let me tell you an incident. This incident comes to my mind whenever i think about a closed door.

This happened way back, at certain age when I don't know how old I am! Less than a year may be. Mom and I were alone in the house. The house was locked from inside and mom was inside a room. I can see a great horror in my mom's eyes whenever she narrates the event. I, the chotu Gopi, locked her room from outside and sat on the floor and started crying!

Haha...You can imagine! Mom so painstakingly tried to give me instructions to me from inside the locked room. I  am a stupid now only, imagine a one year old me! :D

Anyways after few hours, i finally freed her! And this incident became a sweet (rather horrific) memory to my mom and to me it's a reminder of how idiotic I was (am!).

I am in many ways a closed door. Even people who think know me, don't know much about me. There is always another closed door to be explored, always!

It has always been difficult for me to share about things about myself and to trust.

Why?

I gave it a thought too, and I must say I am not sure. The best reason I can come out with is "May be because of few experiences I had."

When people always try to change you, tell you to be like everyone else, always try to change you rather leave to be yourself....as you grow up, you become smart enough to conceal the real you and give people the version they wanted and after few years as you look back you end up thinking no one really understands you, where as the real problem you is not being yourself. This is precisely my story too.

Few months back, i realized this and i told myself that I would open up. I would let the person inside me to come out, but what to do? I cannot go to everyone saying this is not me, the real me is somewhere inside me! (and horrify them! :P)

Pretty confusing huh?

So i came up with an innovative idea and guess what, this blog took birth!

Yeah, this is the place where I be myself 100%. I can open up, be my real version, tell my opinions and don't have to worry if I may not fit in or my view of life is different. This blog, right here, helped me a lot to open the closed door (a little of course) and I am no more sacred to myself! :) (I have my set of fears too!)

Pretty honestly i am trying to open up and it takes some time. (so much time actually!).

Still me is me, and no matter how much you think you know me, you don't know me. :P

Then why am I telling all this?

Well, if you think I am not opening up according to your expectations, know that it is my natural tendency. That it takes some time for me, that it doesnot mean I am trying to neglect you.

Next time, Don't just knock the door, BANG IT! If once you are able to navigate the inner chambers, you wont be disappointed! (I can assure this)