Life's Crossroads

Another Monday morning meeting, another opportunity on my way… Two years passed since I started my own business and flourished it from no customer to atleast 5 new customers a week. An interesting, err rather motivating way of looking at my business. How else can I keep my enthusiasm flowing to meet all those boring prospective clients on all these beautiful mornings? 

Again a red light! Nothing is horrible than waiting at a red light when you have an appointment in another ten minutes.

Look at everyone, walking steadfast with coffee in one hand and brief in another.  Their faces are like a tree during the middle of fall, not even a single trace of happiness. I wonder what’s the next deadline waiting for them, maybe it’s their boss or maybe they are self-made entrepreneurs like me.

Two more blocks and my fingers are crossed. Hail the god driving away in that sexy Ferrari; a vacant parking space just gotten ready for me. Five more minutes…

I locked my car and turned back, ready to enter the supposed building. At that exact moment, I saw a girl, the most beautiful I have ever seen in my life. She is wearing a blue jeans and a white top, walking with grace of an angel. As she passed by, she looked at me for a moment and time stopped.

Everything around me slowed down and I stood there like an unmovable snow drop on a leaf. I knew if there has to be a soul mate for me, here she is.

She entered into a coffee shop on the other side of the road of my supposed destination.  A million neurons started shooting in my mind to decide which way to go. Time once again slowed down.

What is important for me, I thought.

Business it should be, after all going behind her can be just like going behind a fantasy, into an unknown destination.

I rushed into the building to meet the client. After 5 coffees breaks and 50 slides of power point, we came into an agreement. The deal is closed and my decision proved to be correct, I have won!

It’s almost lunch time and let me go and check that coffee shop. There is a negligible chance for her to be still there but she might be working there and I want to play my chances. Now that I have already won this deal, there is nothing to lose if I give her a try.

I started crossing the street when a speeding car breaking a red signal jumped onto me, several people surrounded me and within seconds everything went pitch black amidst people whispering, “A terrible death!”

Suddenly I came back to senses, this time amidst a vision of my own death and soaking in my own sweat.  She is almost at the entrance of the coffee shop about to go inside. The neurons shooting to inside to make a decision of which way to go….

What is important for me if I am going to die in next few hours, I thought.

With a smile on my face and never experienced joy and clarity in my life, I started off towards the coffee shop.

Life of a ....

It is back again and like all the times, it brings a new day with it. I lie under this tree, in the heavenly pleasure of early morning sleep and his rays touch my closed eyes from the gaps among the tree leaves.

Another day, another adventure…..

No matter how soon I wake up, I always see brother, up and fresh. I wonder whether he sleeps at all.

Mother before leaving told us, “Always be together and that way you would survive long”. She left us when we were kids like every other mother does. It took us several months to understand the difficulty of survival, the risks of everyday struggles. We always wished time stopped when we were fast asleep in our mothers lap.

Brother seems to be ready…

When everyday life is a struggle, you got to think of it as an adventure lest you cannot survive it. That has been our secret of happiness, no matter how hard the day was, how difficult to get even a single bite of food, how much tears came out of our eyes as if there is unknown connection between hunger and tears. We learned to look at it differently and are survived this way only.

Now brother with narrowed eyes is approaching me slowly, an indication that the game is about to start. He took a leap into air and as I jumped aside, he fell down with a thud. I laughed hard looking at his face covered in dirt. He shook it off and made a sudden jump at me. This time I am not quick enough and he got hold of my leg. I tried grabbing his neck but ended up just getting a meek hold of it. It might have inflicted enough pain; he left my leg and moved back few steps. I haven’t let his neck go yet. Now on his four legs he raised himself to two legs, an unexpected move! He dropped himself over me and I am on ground, falling on my face.

He won the fight again like several other times. He is always the stronger one between us but I always gave a good fight. The early day fight is a game for us, an activity, and an exercise that makes us ready for the rest of day. Prepared and ready, for another day’s fight!

After few hours search, we found some food that would keep us alive for some time. Our stomachs are not full but enough to keep ourselves content and happy.

It is now right on the top of our heads and beaming with full power. It’s mid-afternoon, a time even my tree would not give me full protection from it.

Fortunately I found this thing under which I can hide myself and have a good afternoon sleep. It’s not hot under this and I need to be alert all the time.

After what seemed like few hours, a huge man came near this. I know what I am supposed to do; I adjusted myself so it passes from above me without hurting me. I have become expert at this after all these years.

The man drove the thing off, removing my shelter. It is almost evening now and my stomach is ready with yet another request for food.

Another search, another struggle and yet another adventure for sustainment, I thought to myself rolling my body on the ground, “After all this is the life of a stray dog.”

A great companion on my path arrives...

"If I am thrown to an abandoned desert and was allowed to carry books, it would definitely be Torkom's books"

That's how much his books impacted me. Every word, every line fed my soul.


A month ago I have celebrated my birthday and a person for whom I am one of the best friends gave me this packet.

As I placed my hand on it, I knew...What else can it be?

"One of the most awaited books of my life!" Torkom's Autobiography!

As I opened the book another surprise awaited me. The book has a personalized wishes from Gita Saraydarian (Torkom Saraydarian's daughter).

I did not have any words to express the joy I had at that moment. The book that was in my hands at that moment, traveled thousands of miles and arrived for the occasion of my birthday.

A 760 pages book with vibrant white cover and a very apt subtitle, "Autobiography of a spiritual renaissance man"

A two year old Torkom's photograph greets you in the starting page and his story starts with the chapter, "First Consciousness" and climaxed in the book with, "Interview : The Future of Humanity". We all know his story never ends, the ripples of spiritual aspiration he created would continue touching millions of lives!

As we go into the book, we start an exciting journey. We see life through his eyes, we feel his intense hunger to understand the mystery of life.

Personally, I needed this book at this point of time, to understand what it is like to be a warrior of light, to know what the choice of being one is like.

Like the sun rays that clear the fog, the book cleared several of my illusions. I travelled with him from his childhood till his death and I was there when he is making decision between an easy life and a striving life. I was there when his father is imparting wisdom to young Torkom and I was there when the Sedona temple was built and during his 35 years of service speech. I listened to his final words with tears in my eyes.

As I completed the book, I told myself, "If Torkom did it, I am going to do it and we all are going to do it"

Many times as I read his books I wondered, "How this man lived, it's definitely not a rosy path". I am sure
many of you would be thinking in similar lines and this book answers you.

"Even in an abandoned desert
Without food, water or a guide
Let his books be my my companions
my friends and teachers!
They feed my soul
clench my thirst for wisdom
And
Guide me to my Self." 

An affair with Poetry

                  "No matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the world"

Lying on my back, on a cold floor that could send shivers throughout your body, I closed my eyes.

Its dark around and only light came from the moon who is struggling to make her presence known among the leaves of the tree i lay under.

I opened my eyes and was mesmerized by the beauty of the moment and i created a poem.

This is the earliest recollection my poetry. 

"Write them on a paper else you will loose them", I remember my Mom warning me.

I never saw her point and thought it would always be inside me. But today, I regret not storing them up. 

But, its always inside me....and here are few words i wrote...which I dare call as poems!!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two Moons:

Holding her hand I lay under the night sky

Under a thick blanket of stars..

i wonder, are they angels?

Smooth wind blows by acknowledging our presence

I wonder, are they visiting someone?

Looking into her eyes, I said

Stars and wind assembled here to witness  a miracle

Two moons….one in the sky and one beside me

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Freedom

Free, I was born

Free, I live

As a free man I will die

For freedom is …...

my right, my duty and my destiny.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

a lonely walk, i walk

along the beach, on the wet sand,

allowing my feet feel the waves,

collecting few shells on the way.

Long i have been on this walk

to realize someone holding my hand would make it more beautiful

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Imagination

I see the sunflower waiting for sun

I feel the cool morning breeze

I hear birds cooing

I live all the beauty of a bright summer morning

sitting here, closing my eyes,

sailing on my imagination...

into my own inside.

I see a whole new world

and I wonder.....

did the world inspire my imagination

or imagination this world!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Truth

Truth many a times is silent

for it does not have to prove itself

Hard to believe?

Observe your heart

it never persuades

it's language a silent whisper

learn to listen

and if you can

your life will be liberated by it's wisdom.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To the Lord

My Lord, give me the strength to follow the path I clearly see

Give me the wisdom to choose the most high

Shine your light upon me in times of need

Give me your shoulder when i am alone

You are always ready to receive me, with your arms open

Give me the courage to reach you

Even if it means loosing myself and becoming you

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Last Blink of Life

My eyes closed for the last blink of my life..

All the sunrises….all the moonlights…

All the dreams…all the aspirations…..

All the smiles….all the frowns….

All the dear ones and their love…

Appearing inside my mind’s eye for one last time.

An approval that I have really Lived it….

A tear on my cheek, a smile on my lips….

My eyes opened….and never closed……

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Best Gift

The most expensive of gifts might get lost

The most beautiful might fade away

The most unexpected can go only so far

If you are thinking of the best gift my friend,

Give a Hug and a kiss on forehead

That! That truly is the best gift one could get,

It touches heart, speaks to soul and is never lost.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A Journey, A life

Splashes of water touching my feet,

I stand at the edge of a river,

At the end of a long journey.

I look back over the Horizon,

To Mountains, valleys; uphill and downhill,

All in my heart as memories and lessons.

Images of every life I had the honor to touch

Danced in my mind’s eye

On the other side of the river awaits my love.

Remembering the life I was given to live,

 Satisfaction was bestowed on me.

That I have truly lived it!

With water in my eyes and glowing smile on my lips

I took the step into the river that leads to the other side.

And for the next time, I pray the gods whatever they might be

Not to decrease my load but to give me stronger shoulders.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Note:

Please do let me know what you think about them. It means real something when you get feedback from people whom you can count on.

Who am I?

I am not my personality....I am not my personality....I am not personality....I am not my personality!!!!!

I knew it all along that I am not my personality.But!

Almost an year, i spent my time studying various personality systems. These systems are the tools that would give us a picture of how, what our personality is. How we behave, what motivates us, what demotivates us, what are our natural tendencies etc etc.

Frankly, I did not study them to the depths, but I touched good number of these systems with one hope.

Hope to find Who I am!

But if I am in my right senses, I know I am not my "personality".

And when the something that is the real you growing in you, it would be confusing if still try to derive yourself from your personality.

I need to remember this. Once I go out of this blog, I might again go back to the same notion and again try searching myself in it.

I am not my personality....I am not my personality....I am not personality....I am not my personality!!!!!

Then y do I or people keep searching for themselves in personality?

I think because personality is easy to catch or may be tangible.

Then, How would I go beyond it and catch and hold onto my real self?

That's a question, and I will get an answer soon.

Meanwhile a quote from Torkom....

Modern man hates commands and orders. That is why he does not have willpower, concentration, and discipline. Instead, modern man obeys instantly the urges of his body, sex, stomach, habits, thoughts, and posthypnotic suggestions. He hates to obey a command from his Father or Teacher. 

The more we control our personality, the more the willpower increases within us.

The Moment in my Friend's life

Today Marks an important day in my friend's life!

In our long lives we meet so many people, some turn to friends, some to best, close and all the categories, some into lovers (yeah, some;) ), and wives..:P

Momentzz...I believe our lives are collection of several moments, right from our first cry to holding hands of our dear ones, crying, celebrating and much more!

I had several loving moments with a friend, who in several untold ways has been a guide, teacher, or even a motherly figure, scolding me!

It is said, love happens in unexpected ways, in the unexpected turns of our life.

It happened to her too in the most unexpected ways. I have been present through all her confusions, crossroads, romantic swings....and boy! it is such a pleasure to witness a love story in making.

One thing I truly realized is, this something called love really happens in unexpected ways. Your loved one might be waiting at any corner or any path you might be taking now or later.

In every love story there comes a moment, when each of them make a commitment...umm...its like a moment where both say to each other that they love each other.They might be knowing all the way from the moment they met each other., but the moment when they decide to spend rest of their lives like one being....its one if the most important one!

Today marks inclusion of that moment in my friends life!

And she gave me an audio file of how she proposed, which includes a song also!

Ohh Dear God, my dear old man...with a white beard!!
Ohh dear Goddess., my dear every glowing, most lovable woman!

You both better see that their journey is filled with love, joy and many blessings!

And I don't see any other option for you!

Meeting a remarkable man named Gurdjeiff

It's a circular hall with podium in the middle.

Several people were entering the hall and it's announced that the speaker of the day is "Gurdjeiff".

From the people who are entering, you could see legends, masters and several famous people.

and what am I?

At that moment I knew that I am nothing compared to them but I was lucky to be present in the same hall with them.

I humbly sat somewhere in the last and there he is!!

My master. I could feel an instant flow of love, gratitude and respect towards him. He sat in the first row. I picked the book lying in my lap and went to him.

"Master ", I said so politely that some part of me is thinking, "Why i am so polite, loving towards him? What is he?"

"I wrote a book, it is about my life", I continued and handed it over to him.

He opened that book and to my utter horror, "Almost all the pages are empty!"

Sensing my insides, He gave a laugh that sounded like a roar.

"This is your life and it is what you write it to be", he said with a calm face.

Few hours Later.....

I woke up!!

Yes, this is a dream!! But one of the rarest of its kind.

Well, I remember the below reactions as soon as I woke up

1. Who is the person to whom i felt so much love, respect towards?
2. What is the strange place where this meeting happened, am definitely sure it is not of this world and moreover it happened in a dream.(May be an Ashram, as told by Torkom?)
3. Who is Gurdjeiff?! (well, he is in the pic for now)

Even today I don't know whether i heard his name somewhere before or for the first time in s dream! (quite strange, huh?)

So, I searched him in Google and found out that he is an extraordinary man who lived an extra-ordinary life.

I tried reading some of his books, but always could not go more than few pages.. (This dream happened 2-3 years ago, so either i am lazy, delusional or both)

Do you see, sometimes you meet people coincidentally, but meeting them in a dream! - its definitely more than just a coincidence..

Time to see if I can read some words written by Gurdjieff, bye for now!