Women - beauty, sensitivity and inspiration

" A woman is the full circle. Within her is the power to create, nurture and transform." - Diane Mariechild

I always accused my Dad for not giving me a sister. But, as I grew old, I learnt filling the gap with friends, cousins and neighbors. This helped me witness one of natures best miracle, a growth from innocence to innocence.

First, the innocence of childhood of a girl and the second

innocence in it's purest form, in it's best embodiment, as a full flowered woman.

When we divide the world into masculine and feminine, which should be given the better position?

Definitely not the masculine; it is too hard, too logical, just like our minds.

Not the feminine too; it is too soft, too loving, just like our hearts.

We need both and the matter of which is better becomes meaningless. 

But, if we stop for a moment to think who should be the lead. Then the topic takes a new turn. 

Let's see at our mind and heart.

Mind divides, manipulates, calculates and emphasizes more on itself.

Heart unites, loves, shares, synthesizes and the emphasizes  on the whole-self.

Once, I read an interesting thing, It said that the whole range of human thoughts fall into three categories.

Thoughts of lower mind,

Thoughts of Higher mind and

Thoughts of heart.

and it continues saying that the thoughts that created the greatest scientific breakthroughs, the best poetry, the best art are always the thoughts of heart.

Putting it all together, it becomes clear, that the major aspect is not who is better but who should be bestowed with the responsibility of being the leader.

And definitely, it is the heart that should lead with the counsel of the mind.

It is the feminine with the help of masculine.

I am not speaking about man and woman here. I am speaking about the masculine and feminine natures that are present in all of us.

It is said that, "All men have a woman and all women have a man inside them."

When we appreciate this fact, we truly realize which nature inside us has to be given the lead. 

Think about this, "We can never truly say Yes, without knowing that we have a choice of saying No". Similarly, we can only choose the best of what we can be, only when we recognize and appreciate all the forces inside us.

Women have an added advantage as they, by nature have a strong feminine side to them.

I consider the woman's movement for equal rights, for recognition, for respect as one of the best gifts human evolution gave it to itself.

At a subtler level, humanity learnt from the numerous mistakes it did throughout the history, from the bloodshed of wars fought for selfish ends, from the many dictators who ruled fueling the hatred among humans. This lead to the woman movement, not just by woman themselves but also by men. It is a collective movement for a better future.

The movement helped us achieve many milestones and also to realize the need for many more.

If I was asked to talk to this movement, to the women of the world; I would say this,

"The greatness, the achievement, the success of the women doesn't lie in women trying to be more like men, rather in recognizing, rekindling and nurturing their true nature, their real nature-bestowed gifts."

Who else would respect their nature, if women themselves won't do so?

And when women of the world start being more of themselves, then they become true and invaluable sources for Beauty, Sensitivity and inspiration.

To all women in the world, "Happy woman's day."

Career and calling

"What are your career plans?" I asked a 10th class guy.

"An IAS officer", his mother replied.

I looked at him and found a blank face.

"What are your career plans?" I asked him again.

"An IAS officer", his mother replied again with a look that translates to "Don't you dare ask him one more time!"



Will I stop....?

I took him aside, and asked him few questions like what are his interests, what he thinks his strengths are, etc.

Though hesitant initially, he poured his heart out.

I gave few pointers on how he can choose his career, and left him alone.

When I met him after two days, I immediately recognized his excitement.

"I am going to study law, you know, I love sherlock holmes, I love sloving puzzles, I have a great memory and many times i watch tv programs related to law." He told me so happily.

Fortunately, his parents agreed for it and his mother still repeated, "I will make him an IAS officer after he completes law"

His puzzle solved but not mine.

November 2011, I met my mentor. We had a small chat for 5 mins and he suddenly told me, "Gopi, don't confuse between career and calling"

That struck a chord. I agreed that I was confused and I took it up as a challenge.

I searched and researched a lot. In fact all of my waking time (except office) went to that and this is the reason there is no activity in my blog recently.

I have decided to give all I learnt in a concise way by giving you the pointers which you can use while deciding your career.

Here is goes...



 Know your self and be yourself


First let me define personality.
personality = physical + emotional + mental natures of a person.

Personality or personality traits are the patterns that you exhibit in your day to day life. It is the way you act and the way you react to events, people, challenges. It is the mechanism which you use to express yourself on earth and every personality is unique.


I read torkom saying that we should not have vanity. He continued saying that many people think vanity is excessive belief in one's own abilities but vanity is also not having enough belief on your abilities. "You should know what you are exactly, not less, not more."

The problem is many people don't know what they are exactly. It requires a life of dedication and self-observation which seems to be a long process.

Fortunately to make our life easy, there are several tools which we can use to know about ourself. One such tool is the MBTI system. It is a system developed based on Carl Jung's principles. It categorizes people into various categories based on four measures

1. Whether the person is Introvert or Extrovert
2. Whether he is sensing or intuitive
3. Whether he prefers thinking or feeling
4. Whether he is judging or processing

Based on the above, all people in the world are divided into 16 types. There are several online tests you can use to determine yours.



















A sample test is http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp

When you answer them, be truthful, answer according to what you are rather than what you think you should be.

If you don't like helping people and a question comes related to it, say it. Don't say otherwise and remember there is no correct answer to any question, it is all about your preference.

Once you complete the test, you get a code and its description. Read it and justify how far it applies to you and if you feel it is good enough, you can use the code and start digging into it more. It gives you a good picture of what your tendencies, strengths and weaknesses are.

Remember the below

1. If you don't like what you have got, leave it.
2.Nothing describes you exactly, anything, at its best, can give certain patterns of how you behave.
3. Everything that comes under your type may not apply to you and one type is not better than any other.
4. You might be someone who is inclined towards more than one type, so don't despair when you are not able to find an exact match.

Once you do the above, you get a fair idea about yourself (not 100% though). Then you can use your type and search for suitable career options.

You can refer to the below for more clarity

http://www.scribd.com/doc/15163830/Career-eBook-Do-What-You-Are-Discover-the-Perfect-Career-for-You-Through-the-Secrets-of-Personality-Type

Again, the above book gives only recommendations. Anyone can excel in any career, it is just the above gives the one that has more chance to use our natural abilities and can be done with least effort.

Career and Calling


Now that you know the possible career paths, what about your calling?




Whats the difference?

Career : Something that you are good at doing, that uses your talents, skills and pays you money.


Calling : Something that gives you satisfaction. Something that feels like the thing you are put here to do and something that you are always ready to do for free.

Major factor in Career is earning and in Calling is satisfaction.

Many people confuse both and make wrong decisions. (something which my mentor pointed to me). Ignoring any of these will be wrong move.

There are two ways of dealing with this.

Having both:


One way is to have and balance both in your life. You would have your career goals, you excel in it and when you have time you give it to your calling. A typical example can be a mechanical engineer who uses his weekends to give counselling and career guidance to teens.

The key here is balance.

Merging both


The other way is merging both. A similar example is where this mechanical engineer turns into full time career and student counselor.

The key here is finding a way to get paid for following your calling.

This book gives more insights into this topic http://www.amazon.com/Four-Purposes-Life-Direction-Changing/dp/1932073493


A touch of spirituality :


If you get clarified about your personality, career and calling...almost all the work is done. But I thought to add something which also helps you understand about yourself.

This is based on ancient neurological theories and since it came from one of the most practical spiritual author's I have ever read, I gave it a try and it really looked great.



Refer to the links below.

http://www.peacefulwarrior.com/life-purpose-calculator
http://www.amazon.com/Life-You-Were-Born-Live/dp/091581160X

The END


This settles everything. If you really wanna have all answers about career and calling, this post will be a good start. The MBTI system even explains the midlife career crisis. Career and Calling comes into picture in every critical decision you take. The numerology system tells you about your talents and the challenges you need to overcome. I did my best to combine psychology, philosophy and spirituality to answer career dilemma.

I request you all to suggest this post to all people who you think might find a use from it.

Note : I recently was having a writers block and I thank the girl who always (even today) kept asking me about my blog activity.

 This is dedicated to you!....:)

Whom to blame?

As the cries of pain woke me up.....

Before I continue the above sentence, I would like to tell you an incident from my life.

When I was a little boy, one day, I witnessed killing of a hen. I cried, shouted, protested against it. Mom tried controlling me but in vain.

"This is the chicken curry that you so fondly eat!" she told. I received a shock and stopped crying for a moment. "But, don't kill it, ", I continued protesting.

"If anything is suffering and you cry for it, God will punish you!", she told.

This time I stopped crying. The fear of getting punished made me stop.

But what followed was the greatest shock in my life. The following day, I was served super tasty chicken in lunch. Even now, I clearly remember that day. With every bite of food, I was controlling tears, I was thinking, "Is this a hen I am eating?" "What should I do now?". I was so young, that I don't know there can be any other alternative.

Perhaps that's the day when the seed is sown which turned me into vegetarian as I grew up. Why am telling this story, because I thought every child is sensitive as I was!

Now let's go back to the starting line.

Last week one fine day at 8:00 am.

Cries of pain from a puppy (stray) woke me up. It is common that you witness stray dogs fighting, so i ignored it first but as the cry continued I went onto road to check it.

I saw a house keeper(a 12- 13 year old) carrying her owner's kid, along with breakfast on a plate. She is kicking the puppy with her leg, ignoring it's cries and following it wherever it ran.

I immediately recollected that many young kids on the street are hurting these puppies, throwing rocks and sand. But  the house keeper doing it -it kind of surprised me and as usual angry too.

The puppy so small, may be few weeks old and so cute!

I went to the housekeeper and shouted, "What the hell are you doing?"

She got scared, and replied me "This kid said, he will eat one bite of breakfast , for one kick given to the puppy."

I looked at the kid, hardly 4-5 years and I don't know what to say.

I used to challenge people that children are like angels with fiery hearts and that grownups need to learn from them!

Here I see a child who is enjoying, demanding cruelty on a innocent puppy.

As i sacred both of them, i went to the puppy and I saw it, not a scratch or wound but a hole in its stomach and blood pouring down. Another person and I did some first aid, but the puppy was unable to withstand it, it soon ran away searching for it's mother. And with such a wound, i doubt it's survival and even it survives I don't think it gets out of it's impact. Entire day, I was disturbed and was unable to get out of it.

What made a kid, so young, enjoy cries and pain of some other innocent creature? Whom to blame?

May be all the violence they witness in movies
or
video games where successfully killing an animal makes u win it
or
bloody images they witness in their day to day life
or
something else!!

What can the solution be?
Right education?
or
Can parents do something?
or
Do they need to go through life and learn themselves?


and may be, it's time we realize this and take the necessary steps, because....

Every child with right guidance and nurturing is destined to greatness!

Freedom

As the news came that a new viceroy family is coming to the estate, Shakunthala got the entire house cleaned, furniture setup and decorations made. Shakunthala was the maid and cook for the viceroy families from the past 5 years. Her husband works as the watchman and gardener. They have a 7 year old boy named Ramu. Since they were needed in the estate all the time, they were allowed to live within the estate but in a far end. This is the best living the family could get being untouchables.

Next day, the viceroy family arrived along with several relatives. Shakunthala had the busiest of the days with all the chores to be taken care of. In two weeks, the relatives left the house which now has only Viceroy family : The Viceroy, his mistress and their young daughter.

Being a untouchable, Shakunthala was allowed to enter only the kitchen and from the back door only. Within few days, she understood that the new mistress is a good person. The new mistress had no restrictions, never bothered about the untouchablility of her servants and she event sent sweets to Ramu regualarly.

Ramu stays alone in his house. He never had the fortune to go to school or play with other kids, and he never understood why he is a untouchable.

One day he heard a girl's voice nearby. Though he was not allowed, his curiosity made him search for the source. Under the shade of a tree he saw a beautiful girl singing and playing with her doll. To his eyes, she looked like an angel. Her skin, white colored; her eyes, blue; her dress, the finest of the fiber, confirmed it.

She saw him approaching towards her and her eyes widened with a curiosity that she might get a playmate. In minutes, Ramu and Jessy became friends.

With the permission of her mother, Jessy invited Ramu to their house. The huge walls, beautifully craven wooden furniture, paintings hanging on walls, it looked like a new world to him. Day after day the visits to the house became regular and he started enjoying his new freedom. Everyday both the children would play for few hours and study together. Jessy became more than Ramu's friend,  she became his teacher.

A year passed.

1947 August 14 midnight, huge sounds woke Ramu from sleep. He went running to see what it is and all he could see is everyone dancing, shouting and firing crackers. He went to an old man and asked him , "Dadaji, what happened?"

"We got freedom beta ", he replied.

Ramu never heard about this word and asked, "What is freedom?"

"Freedom means you will always be happy, like everyone now is, look around beta, everyone is celebrating, this is freedom!" Dadaji replied.

The next day morning he went running to Jessy to tell her that they got freedom and they always be happy and celebrating. As he entered the house, he observed that all servants are busy packing things. He went to Jessy's room, and asked her "Are you going to a tour?"

"Mother said we are going to home", she replied.

"But this is your home, our home, here we live! we also got freedom and you know, we can always celebrate! " he replied.

But she did not show any excitement. He sat beside her and asked, "Can i also come with you?"

"Mom said you cannot come, here is your home."

With tears in his eyes he gave her a tight hug, wishing time stops at that moment.

Viceroy's family left the estate which was now occupied by a zamindari family. In few days, Shakunthala understood that the new family is particular about untouchables and they don't want them entering the house except Kitchen.

Ramu heard that a new family came to the house. His mother warned him that the old rules are back for him and that he should stay inside their house only. Thinking that his mother told the same when the previous family came, he decided to pay a visit to the new family.

He entered the house and saw the new mistress. "Good morning madam!", he greeted her. The new mistress, quite impressed by this, called him near her and asked, "Who are you ?".

"I am Shakunthala's son ", he replied

Mistress's eyes became wide with anger and she went to the kitchen shouting, "Shakunthala!!"

"How dare your son enter my house, have you never taught him any manners? Have you never told him that he is an untouchable, that he belongs to the lowest of the human beings?" she started shouting at Shakunthala.

Shakunthala asked the mistress to forgive him, that he is just a kid and he got used to the house because of the previous family.

The mistress, outraged by the sin committed by Ramu, picked up a wooden stick and started beating him.

With each touch of the stick feeling like fire, he is shocked that even his mother is not stopping the mistress. Ramu closed his eyes. Tears flowing out, and pain all over the body, he remembered Jessy, her eyes, her smile.

It was midnight, and 6 hours passed before Ramu became conscious. He tried opening his eyes but he was unable to, he tried moving his body but he could not feel anything except pain. A few minutes passed and he felt that his mother is holding his hand, a touch which he can always recognize.

"Mother?" he tried calling but felt that his voice was not coming out.

He tried another time and succeeded to let it out with a feeble voice.

Shakunthala realized that her son finally came back to consciousness. "Yes son", she replied.

"Dadaji told me that everyone got freedom but why did not I get it?" He asked.

With tears flowing down her cheeks, Shakunthala held his hand tight and kissed on his forehead.

When people scold you..............

We were standing in a row...and i was standing back of one of my classmates, a girl with whom i used to fight like anything. Unfortunately i don't remember her name. We were standing in a row for some reason and as usual we started fighting. As a teacher came near, that girl put a sad face (a common girl's trick) and complained "Gopi is scolding me!"

I was shocked!

I replied with much more innocence that I did not do anything.

But she complained again to the teacher and teacher started giving me some doubtful looks!!

I was all shocked and after the teacher left us, i shouted at her for lying! Now, she almost broke into tears...:D

Now the joke is, I thought scolding means beating (i was very young that time), so when she complained to the teacher, I thought that i never beat her and so was shocked. The word "scold" erupts this memory from my memory bank but the real roots lie way back in the past.

I used to have difficulty pronouncing the letter "R".  One day my cousin sister told my Mom that she will teach me how to pronounce it properly. She made me sit in a chair and sat opposite to me with a stick in her hand. She started making me pronounce many R-words and for every wrong pronunciation she would scold me and  give me a kiss with that stick on my hand. (poetic...:P)

After some time passed, i started crying (i was very very young, probably 8 or 9) and I shouted at her, "No one of my cousins scolds me, which makes you the worst among all my cousins!!"

She was shocked! A young guy like me using such words, she told me "Only people who truly love you can truly scold you"

At that age, i did not understand it, obviously at that age people who scold us are villains in our life. But it stayed in my mind as an unanswered question and only after years of observation i understood it.

If we observe, we can see that when we win, accomplish something, many people congratulate us, praise us, party with us and laugh with us....

But

When we are being stupid, messing up with life, only and only few people would scold us.

and this can be a good way to spot the real friends.

When people scold you..."it can be an opportunity to identify people who really love and care for you."

PS : This article is not intended to encourage people to scold each other....and mind it...I might not like it when you always try to scold me....:P

Closed Door

Before I go into details about the title, let me tell you an incident. This incident comes to my mind whenever i think about a closed door.

This happened way back, at certain age when I don't know how old I am! Less than a year may be. Mom and I were alone in the house. The house was locked from inside and mom was inside a room. I can see a great horror in my mom's eyes whenever she narrates the event. I, the chotu Gopi, locked her room from outside and sat on the floor and started crying!

Haha...You can imagine! Mom so painstakingly tried to give me instructions to me from inside the locked room. I  am a stupid now only, imagine a one year old me! :D

Anyways after few hours, i finally freed her! And this incident became a sweet (rather horrific) memory to my mom and to me it's a reminder of how idiotic I was (am!).

I am in many ways a closed door. Even people who think know me, don't know much about me. There is always another closed door to be explored, always!

It has always been difficult for me to share about things about myself and to trust.

Why?

I gave it a thought too, and I must say I am not sure. The best reason I can come out with is "May be because of few experiences I had."

When people always try to change you, tell you to be like everyone else, always try to change you rather leave to be yourself....as you grow up, you become smart enough to conceal the real you and give people the version they wanted and after few years as you look back you end up thinking no one really understands you, where as the real problem you is not being yourself. This is precisely my story too.

Few months back, i realized this and i told myself that I would open up. I would let the person inside me to come out, but what to do? I cannot go to everyone saying this is not me, the real me is somewhere inside me! (and horrify them! :P)

Pretty confusing huh?

So i came up with an innovative idea and guess what, this blog took birth!

Yeah, this is the place where I be myself 100%. I can open up, be my real version, tell my opinions and don't have to worry if I may not fit in or my view of life is different. This blog, right here, helped me a lot to open the closed door (a little of course) and I am no more sacred to myself! :) (I have my set of fears too!)

Pretty honestly i am trying to open up and it takes some time. (so much time actually!).

Still me is me, and no matter how much you think you know me, you don't know me. :P

Then why am I telling all this?

Well, if you think I am not opening up according to your expectations, know that it is my natural tendency. That it takes some time for me, that it doesnot mean I am trying to neglect you.

Next time, Don't just knock the door, BANG IT! If once you are able to navigate the inner chambers, you wont be disappointed! (I can assure this)

My teacher

We all are sailors travelling back,

back to the place where we came from.

The sail, sometimes stormy, sometimes smooth,

sometimes lonely, sometimes with fellas.

There comes a time in the sailors life,

when he gets the courage to inquire,

about his nature, life and the sail.

Fueled by his courage, his passion sustains and makes him ready,

thus a student is born.

When the student is ready, the teacher appears;

marking the beginning of an eternal companionship, 

where each fulfills the other.

The above few words (which i am doubtful what to call, a passage? a poem? ) explains it all. This applies to everyone, "when the student is ready, the teacher appears".

There is an old saying,  "God created man and woman because he loves stories." Every man and woman has a story to tell, not just one story, but  many stories that are interwoven and form their life. Here comes my story about my teacher.

Two and half years back, one fine day I met him. I heard he read thousands of books, "let me see him once, i thought". On the very first day, in that small group of people, he came to me, looked into my eye and told me "I liked your dedication, keep it up!" That struck a chord. I knew I am serious about the mystery of life as a whole but no one ever pointed me that it can be called dedication.

I started visiting him. I would go to his house, sit there, right in front of him and would ask questions. I would decide to ask few, but as I start asking him, each answers of his would give birth to another question and it goes on. I used to go to the deepest of things. This routine continued. I would call him, talk for an hour or visit him, stay few hours. Almost all conversations are Q and A format. He answered patiently, not for days, months but for 2 and 1/2 years. 

It's only in the beginning of the year 2011, I started to understand. It's in this same year I realized his true value. I never told him what a great teacher he is, not even till today. We kept journeying along without any titles. 

How lucky I am, to have met him! I went through some rough weathers which I think he too have gone through himself and may be thats one of the reasons he handled me the best way possible. 

He never would give me direct suggestions, never. He answered me and left me to take my own course of action. All along he was there as a guiding presence.

Some of his best word to me (which i think might help you too)....

• Don't try to figure out everything with just your mind.  Thinking wont solve everything, learn to use intuition
• You never get what you want, but what you need. Create a need first.
• Develop a holistic perspective. Take any thing and view it from a scientific, philosophic, spiritual, psychological perspectives. Be inclusive.
• There are causes and effects. Work on the causes and be detached from the outcome. Effects will be taken care themselves.
• Keep your head high in the sky and feet rooted in the ground.
• Don't bother about speed. Find your pace in  life.

The above just a few, there are many more.

All these years he answered me every time, never expected anything from me and I, not even once did anything for him. What can I do? What can match all the guidance he has been giving me all this time?

May be, one day when I am ready, I can find someone like me who wants answers and shall guide him.

But...

Will I have the patience and the grandeur vision to guide, nurture, answer someone all the time for two and half years and not expect anything at all?