Whom to blame?

As the cries of pain woke me up.....

Before I continue the above sentence, I would like to tell you an incident from my life.

When I was a little boy, one day, I witnessed killing of a hen. I cried, shouted, protested against it. Mom tried controlling me but in vain.

"This is the chicken curry that you so fondly eat!" she told. I received a shock and stopped crying for a moment. "But, don't kill it, ", I continued protesting.

"If anything is suffering and you cry for it, God will punish you!", she told.

This time I stopped crying. The fear of getting punished made me stop.

But what followed was the greatest shock in my life. The following day, I was served super tasty chicken in lunch. Even now, I clearly remember that day. With every bite of food, I was controlling tears, I was thinking, "Is this a hen I am eating?" "What should I do now?". I was so young, that I don't know there can be any other alternative.

Perhaps that's the day when the seed is sown which turned me into vegetarian as I grew up. Why am telling this story, because I thought every child is sensitive as I was!

Now let's go back to the starting line.

Last week one fine day at 8:00 am.

Cries of pain from a puppy (stray) woke me up. It is common that you witness stray dogs fighting, so i ignored it first but as the cry continued I went onto road to check it.

I saw a house keeper(a 12- 13 year old) carrying her owner's kid, along with breakfast on a plate. She is kicking the puppy with her leg, ignoring it's cries and following it wherever it ran.

I immediately recollected that many young kids on the street are hurting these puppies, throwing rocks and sand. But  the house keeper doing it -it kind of surprised me and as usual angry too.

The puppy so small, may be few weeks old and so cute!

I went to the housekeeper and shouted, "What the hell are you doing?"

She got scared, and replied me "This kid said, he will eat one bite of breakfast , for one kick given to the puppy."

I looked at the kid, hardly 4-5 years and I don't know what to say.

I used to challenge people that children are like angels with fiery hearts and that grownups need to learn from them!

Here I see a child who is enjoying, demanding cruelty on a innocent puppy.

As i sacred both of them, i went to the puppy and I saw it, not a scratch or wound but a hole in its stomach and blood pouring down. Another person and I did some first aid, but the puppy was unable to withstand it, it soon ran away searching for it's mother. And with such a wound, i doubt it's survival and even it survives I don't think it gets out of it's impact. Entire day, I was disturbed and was unable to get out of it.

What made a kid, so young, enjoy cries and pain of some other innocent creature? Whom to blame?

May be all the violence they witness in movies
or
video games where successfully killing an animal makes u win it
or
bloody images they witness in their day to day life
or
something else!!

What can the solution be?
Right education?
or
Can parents do something?
or
Do they need to go through life and learn themselves?


and may be, it's time we realize this and take the necessary steps, because....

Every child with right guidance and nurturing is destined to greatness!

Freedom

As the news came that a new viceroy family is coming to the estate, Shakunthala got the entire house cleaned, furniture setup and decorations made. Shakunthala was the maid and cook for the viceroy families from the past 5 years. Her husband works as the watchman and gardener. They have a 7 year old boy named Ramu. Since they were needed in the estate all the time, they were allowed to live within the estate but in a far end. This is the best living the family could get being untouchables.

Next day, the viceroy family arrived along with several relatives. Shakunthala had the busiest of the days with all the chores to be taken care of. In two weeks, the relatives left the house which now has only Viceroy family : The Viceroy, his mistress and their young daughter.

Being a untouchable, Shakunthala was allowed to enter only the kitchen and from the back door only. Within few days, she understood that the new mistress is a good person. The new mistress had no restrictions, never bothered about the untouchablility of her servants and she event sent sweets to Ramu regualarly.

Ramu stays alone in his house. He never had the fortune to go to school or play with other kids, and he never understood why he is a untouchable.

One day he heard a girl's voice nearby. Though he was not allowed, his curiosity made him search for the source. Under the shade of a tree he saw a beautiful girl singing and playing with her doll. To his eyes, she looked like an angel. Her skin, white colored; her eyes, blue; her dress, the finest of the fiber, confirmed it.

She saw him approaching towards her and her eyes widened with a curiosity that she might get a playmate. In minutes, Ramu and Jessy became friends.

With the permission of her mother, Jessy invited Ramu to their house. The huge walls, beautifully craven wooden furniture, paintings hanging on walls, it looked like a new world to him. Day after day the visits to the house became regular and he started enjoying his new freedom. Everyday both the children would play for few hours and study together. Jessy became more than Ramu's friend,  she became his teacher.

A year passed.

1947 August 14 midnight, huge sounds woke Ramu from sleep. He went running to see what it is and all he could see is everyone dancing, shouting and firing crackers. He went to an old man and asked him , "Dadaji, what happened?"

"We got freedom beta ", he replied.

Ramu never heard about this word and asked, "What is freedom?"

"Freedom means you will always be happy, like everyone now is, look around beta, everyone is celebrating, this is freedom!" Dadaji replied.

The next day morning he went running to Jessy to tell her that they got freedom and they always be happy and celebrating. As he entered the house, he observed that all servants are busy packing things. He went to Jessy's room, and asked her "Are you going to a tour?"

"Mother said we are going to home", she replied.

"But this is your home, our home, here we live! we also got freedom and you know, we can always celebrate! " he replied.

But she did not show any excitement. He sat beside her and asked, "Can i also come with you?"

"Mom said you cannot come, here is your home."

With tears in his eyes he gave her a tight hug, wishing time stops at that moment.

Viceroy's family left the estate which was now occupied by a zamindari family. In few days, Shakunthala understood that the new family is particular about untouchables and they don't want them entering the house except Kitchen.

Ramu heard that a new family came to the house. His mother warned him that the old rules are back for him and that he should stay inside their house only. Thinking that his mother told the same when the previous family came, he decided to pay a visit to the new family.

He entered the house and saw the new mistress. "Good morning madam!", he greeted her. The new mistress, quite impressed by this, called him near her and asked, "Who are you ?".

"I am Shakunthala's son ", he replied

Mistress's eyes became wide with anger and she went to the kitchen shouting, "Shakunthala!!"

"How dare your son enter my house, have you never taught him any manners? Have you never told him that he is an untouchable, that he belongs to the lowest of the human beings?" she started shouting at Shakunthala.

Shakunthala asked the mistress to forgive him, that he is just a kid and he got used to the house because of the previous family.

The mistress, outraged by the sin committed by Ramu, picked up a wooden stick and started beating him.

With each touch of the stick feeling like fire, he is shocked that even his mother is not stopping the mistress. Ramu closed his eyes. Tears flowing out, and pain all over the body, he remembered Jessy, her eyes, her smile.

It was midnight, and 6 hours passed before Ramu became conscious. He tried opening his eyes but he was unable to, he tried moving his body but he could not feel anything except pain. A few minutes passed and he felt that his mother is holding his hand, a touch which he can always recognize.

"Mother?" he tried calling but felt that his voice was not coming out.

He tried another time and succeeded to let it out with a feeble voice.

Shakunthala realized that her son finally came back to consciousness. "Yes son", she replied.

"Dadaji told me that everyone got freedom but why did not I get it?" He asked.

With tears flowing down her cheeks, Shakunthala held his hand tight and kissed on his forehead.

When people scold you..............

We were standing in a row...and i was standing back of one of my classmates, a girl with whom i used to fight like anything. Unfortunately i don't remember her name. We were standing in a row for some reason and as usual we started fighting. As a teacher came near, that girl put a sad face (a common girl's trick) and complained "Gopi is scolding me!"

I was shocked!

I replied with much more innocence that I did not do anything.

But she complained again to the teacher and teacher started giving me some doubtful looks!!

I was all shocked and after the teacher left us, i shouted at her for lying! Now, she almost broke into tears...:D

Now the joke is, I thought scolding means beating (i was very young that time), so when she complained to the teacher, I thought that i never beat her and so was shocked. The word "scold" erupts this memory from my memory bank but the real roots lie way back in the past.

I used to have difficulty pronouncing the letter "R".  One day my cousin sister told my Mom that she will teach me how to pronounce it properly. She made me sit in a chair and sat opposite to me with a stick in her hand. She started making me pronounce many R-words and for every wrong pronunciation she would scold me and  give me a kiss with that stick on my hand. (poetic...:P)

After some time passed, i started crying (i was very very young, probably 8 or 9) and I shouted at her, "No one of my cousins scolds me, which makes you the worst among all my cousins!!"

She was shocked! A young guy like me using such words, she told me "Only people who truly love you can truly scold you"

At that age, i did not understand it, obviously at that age people who scold us are villains in our life. But it stayed in my mind as an unanswered question and only after years of observation i understood it.

If we observe, we can see that when we win, accomplish something, many people congratulate us, praise us, party with us and laugh with us....

But

When we are being stupid, messing up with life, only and only few people would scold us.

and this can be a good way to spot the real friends.

When people scold you..."it can be an opportunity to identify people who really love and care for you."

PS : This article is not intended to encourage people to scold each other....and mind it...I might not like it when you always try to scold me....:P

Closed Door

Before I go into details about the title, let me tell you an incident. This incident comes to my mind whenever i think about a closed door.

This happened way back, at certain age when I don't know how old I am! Less than a year may be. Mom and I were alone in the house. The house was locked from inside and mom was inside a room. I can see a great horror in my mom's eyes whenever she narrates the event. I, the chotu Gopi, locked her room from outside and sat on the floor and started crying!

Haha...You can imagine! Mom so painstakingly tried to give me instructions to me from inside the locked room. I  am a stupid now only, imagine a one year old me! :D

Anyways after few hours, i finally freed her! And this incident became a sweet (rather horrific) memory to my mom and to me it's a reminder of how idiotic I was (am!).

I am in many ways a closed door. Even people who think know me, don't know much about me. There is always another closed door to be explored, always!

It has always been difficult for me to share about things about myself and to trust.

Why?

I gave it a thought too, and I must say I am not sure. The best reason I can come out with is "May be because of few experiences I had."

When people always try to change you, tell you to be like everyone else, always try to change you rather leave to be yourself....as you grow up, you become smart enough to conceal the real you and give people the version they wanted and after few years as you look back you end up thinking no one really understands you, where as the real problem you is not being yourself. This is precisely my story too.

Few months back, i realized this and i told myself that I would open up. I would let the person inside me to come out, but what to do? I cannot go to everyone saying this is not me, the real me is somewhere inside me! (and horrify them! :P)

Pretty confusing huh?

So i came up with an innovative idea and guess what, this blog took birth!

Yeah, this is the place where I be myself 100%. I can open up, be my real version, tell my opinions and don't have to worry if I may not fit in or my view of life is different. This blog, right here, helped me a lot to open the closed door (a little of course) and I am no more sacred to myself! :) (I have my set of fears too!)

Pretty honestly i am trying to open up and it takes some time. (so much time actually!).

Still me is me, and no matter how much you think you know me, you don't know me. :P

Then why am I telling all this?

Well, if you think I am not opening up according to your expectations, know that it is my natural tendency. That it takes some time for me, that it doesnot mean I am trying to neglect you.

Next time, Don't just knock the door, BANG IT! If once you are able to navigate the inner chambers, you wont be disappointed! (I can assure this)

My teacher

We all are sailors travelling back,

back to the place where we came from.

The sail, sometimes stormy, sometimes smooth,

sometimes lonely, sometimes with fellas.

There comes a time in the sailors life,

when he gets the courage to inquire,

about his nature, life and the sail.

Fueled by his courage, his passion sustains and makes him ready,

thus a student is born.

When the student is ready, the teacher appears;

marking the beginning of an eternal companionship, 

where each fulfills the other.

The above few words (which i am doubtful what to call, a passage? a poem? ) explains it all. This applies to everyone, "when the student is ready, the teacher appears".

There is an old saying,  "God created man and woman because he loves stories." Every man and woman has a story to tell, not just one story, but  many stories that are interwoven and form their life. Here comes my story about my teacher.

Two and half years back, one fine day I met him. I heard he read thousands of books, "let me see him once, i thought". On the very first day, in that small group of people, he came to me, looked into my eye and told me "I liked your dedication, keep it up!" That struck a chord. I knew I am serious about the mystery of life as a whole but no one ever pointed me that it can be called dedication.

I started visiting him. I would go to his house, sit there, right in front of him and would ask questions. I would decide to ask few, but as I start asking him, each answers of his would give birth to another question and it goes on. I used to go to the deepest of things. This routine continued. I would call him, talk for an hour or visit him, stay few hours. Almost all conversations are Q and A format. He answered patiently, not for days, months but for 2 and 1/2 years. 

It's only in the beginning of the year 2011, I started to understand. It's in this same year I realized his true value. I never told him what a great teacher he is, not even till today. We kept journeying along without any titles. 

How lucky I am, to have met him! I went through some rough weathers which I think he too have gone through himself and may be thats one of the reasons he handled me the best way possible. 

He never would give me direct suggestions, never. He answered me and left me to take my own course of action. All along he was there as a guiding presence.

Some of his best word to me (which i think might help you too)....

• Don't try to figure out everything with just your mind.  Thinking wont solve everything, learn to use intuition
• You never get what you want, but what you need. Create a need first.
• Develop a holistic perspective. Take any thing and view it from a scientific, philosophic, spiritual, psychological perspectives. Be inclusive.
• There are causes and effects. Work on the causes and be detached from the outcome. Effects will be taken care themselves.
• Keep your head high in the sky and feet rooted in the ground.
• Don't bother about speed. Find your pace in  life.

The above just a few, there are many more.

All these years he answered me every time, never expected anything from me and I, not even once did anything for him. What can I do? What can match all the guidance he has been giving me all this time?

May be, one day when I am ready, I can find someone like me who wants answers and shall guide him.

But...

Will I have the patience and the grandeur vision to guide, nurture, answer someone all the time for two and half years and not expect anything at all?

Our dear ones

I wanted everything around me to be silent, I want to concentrate on what I am doing, but it's noisy and it disturbed my mood.

Just then I got a call from one of my dearest one.

I didn't talk properly, I was not responding the way I would generally. I am showing my bad mood.

He didn't say a word. He understood I think.

I ended the call with the same mood.

As I am alone in my room, my heart started talking. I have been developing heart qualities for a while now and I am happy to say that my heart plays a major role in my life.

You have to call back, he is your dearest one, don't be scared, heart told me.

So I called back, while I was listening to the caller tune, I was thinking how to start conversation, how to apologize.

As he picked up the phone, asked me, "What happened?"

I didn't talk properly so I called back, I told him.

He laughed and immediately started conversation.

20 mins and it all ended differently now and I am at peace. (My heart is!)

Many times we show our bad moods on dear ones, and it's very difficult to apologize after. Fortunately the best thing about our dear ones is they would understand us even before we apologize.

But do we really recognize their value in our life?

My dad sometimes says to me, "Many people realized the value and greatness of your grandfather only after he died."

This always stayed in my mind. It should not happen with me I told myself.

I have many dear ones in my life. The best family, friends, relatives, colleagues....

Dad would say, "Wherever you go, you always have a family, the perfect people, the perfect circumstances, i think you are the luckiest one."

Yes, I am very lucky, right from my childhood I was always with people who love me, who are always there for me.

Strange phenomenon is the more close a person becomes to me the more chance that I show my bad mood on him.

I am changing it now a days, with the help of my dearest 'heart'.

People, we many times take the dear ones in our life for granted and overlook their true value. It's not always easy to say a sorry, also it's better to prevent these situations than going for a cure.

I wish Gopi would face his bad mood next time with courage!

On a rainy day with a choco chip cookie

As I lazily opened my eyes after a short mid day sleep, i realized it's raining outside my window.

Rain!

I got up, opened my refrigerator, took out a choco chip cookie and went into the balcony.

With cookie in one hand and other hand stretched out to feel the tiny droplets of water, I went away...backwards...years back!

I was waiting for my brother and suddenly a thought came to me, "Its sunny now and if i ask the nature to rain, will it happen?"

Okie, let me try, I thought and asked for rain.

5 minutes passed and there it is!

Remembering this, unconsciously i wore a smile on face, the hand with cookie is empty now.

A 12 year old going by the road saw me and gave a smile.

Is it tea? I asked him.

Yes, he replied.

Do you sell it? I asked.

Yes sir, he replied.

hot chai and tiny droplets of rain, perfect! I thought.

Went down, bought the chai.

Wat do u do ? I asked the boy.

I do my own business, I sell tea to people around here. he replied.

A 12 year old entrepreneur! Vaah!!

Its after he left, I realized someone is shouting behind me.

Ricky!

He waits for few minutes to see if I am coming to him or not. If I dont go, he would bark, jump and do all the natak.

I freed him and let him play with me. He would jump, fight, chew my hand but at the end both of us are joyful playing like two 5 year old kids!

In few minutes,

I had rain for me,

a choco chip cookie,

Hot chai!

play with ricky! and yeah

opportunity to meet a 12 year old entrepreneur.

The more you grasp the little things of life, the more you realize how joyful life is!