Life's Crossroads

Another Monday morning meeting, another opportunity on my way… Two years passed since I started my own business and flourished it from no customer to atleast 5 new customers a week. An interesting, err rather motivating way of looking at my business. How else can I keep my enthusiasm flowing to meet all those boring prospective clients on all these beautiful mornings? 

Again a red light! Nothing is horrible than waiting at a red light when you have an appointment in another ten minutes.

Look at everyone, walking steadfast with coffee in one hand and brief in another.  Their faces are like a tree during the middle of fall, not even a single trace of happiness. I wonder what’s the next deadline waiting for them, maybe it’s their boss or maybe they are self-made entrepreneurs like me.

Two more blocks and my fingers are crossed. Hail the god driving away in that sexy Ferrari; a vacant parking space just gotten ready for me. Five more minutes…

I locked my car and turned back, ready to enter the supposed building. At that exact moment, I saw a girl, the most beautiful I have ever seen in my life. She is wearing a blue jeans and a white top, walking with grace of an angel. As she passed by, she looked at me for a moment and time stopped.

Everything around me slowed down and I stood there like an unmovable snow drop on a leaf. I knew if there has to be a soul mate for me, here she is.

She entered into a coffee shop on the other side of the road of my supposed destination.  A million neurons started shooting in my mind to decide which way to go. Time once again slowed down.

What is important for me, I thought.

Business it should be, after all going behind her can be just like going behind a fantasy, into an unknown destination.

I rushed into the building to meet the client. After 5 coffees breaks and 50 slides of power point, we came into an agreement. The deal is closed and my decision proved to be correct, I have won!

It’s almost lunch time and let me go and check that coffee shop. There is a negligible chance for her to be still there but she might be working there and I want to play my chances. Now that I have already won this deal, there is nothing to lose if I give her a try.

I started crossing the street when a speeding car breaking a red signal jumped onto me, several people surrounded me and within seconds everything went pitch black amidst people whispering, “A terrible death!”

Suddenly I came back to senses, this time amidst a vision of my own death and soaking in my own sweat.  She is almost at the entrance of the coffee shop about to go inside. The neurons shooting to inside to make a decision of which way to go….

What is important for me if I am going to die in next few hours, I thought.

With a smile on my face and never experienced joy and clarity in my life, I started off towards the coffee shop.

Life of a ....

It is back again and like all the times, it brings a new day with it. I lie under this tree, in the heavenly pleasure of early morning sleep and his rays touch my closed eyes from the gaps among the tree leaves.

Another day, another adventure…..

No matter how soon I wake up, I always see brother, up and fresh. I wonder whether he sleeps at all.

Mother before leaving told us, “Always be together and that way you would survive long”. She left us when we were kids like every other mother does. It took us several months to understand the difficulty of survival, the risks of everyday struggles. We always wished time stopped when we were fast asleep in our mothers lap.

Brother seems to be ready…

When everyday life is a struggle, you got to think of it as an adventure lest you cannot survive it. That has been our secret of happiness, no matter how hard the day was, how difficult to get even a single bite of food, how much tears came out of our eyes as if there is unknown connection between hunger and tears. We learned to look at it differently and are survived this way only.

Now brother with narrowed eyes is approaching me slowly, an indication that the game is about to start. He took a leap into air and as I jumped aside, he fell down with a thud. I laughed hard looking at his face covered in dirt. He shook it off and made a sudden jump at me. This time I am not quick enough and he got hold of my leg. I tried grabbing his neck but ended up just getting a meek hold of it. It might have inflicted enough pain; he left my leg and moved back few steps. I haven’t let his neck go yet. Now on his four legs he raised himself to two legs, an unexpected move! He dropped himself over me and I am on ground, falling on my face.

He won the fight again like several other times. He is always the stronger one between us but I always gave a good fight. The early day fight is a game for us, an activity, and an exercise that makes us ready for the rest of day. Prepared and ready, for another day’s fight!

After few hours search, we found some food that would keep us alive for some time. Our stomachs are not full but enough to keep ourselves content and happy.

It is now right on the top of our heads and beaming with full power. It’s mid-afternoon, a time even my tree would not give me full protection from it.

Fortunately I found this thing under which I can hide myself and have a good afternoon sleep. It’s not hot under this and I need to be alert all the time.

After what seemed like few hours, a huge man came near this. I know what I am supposed to do; I adjusted myself so it passes from above me without hurting me. I have become expert at this after all these years.

The man drove the thing off, removing my shelter. It is almost evening now and my stomach is ready with yet another request for food.

Another search, another struggle and yet another adventure for sustainment, I thought to myself rolling my body on the ground, “After all this is the life of a stray dog.”

A great companion on my path arrives...

"If I am thrown to an abandoned desert and was allowed to carry books, it would definitely be Torkom's books"

That's how much his books impacted me. Every word, every line fed my soul.


A month ago I have celebrated my birthday and a person for whom I am one of the best friends gave me this packet.

As I placed my hand on it, I knew...What else can it be?

"One of the most awaited books of my life!" Torkom's Autobiography!

As I opened the book another surprise awaited me. The book has a personalized wishes from Gita Saraydarian (Torkom Saraydarian's daughter).

I did not have any words to express the joy I had at that moment. The book that was in my hands at that moment, traveled thousands of miles and arrived for the occasion of my birthday.

A 760 pages book with vibrant white cover and a very apt subtitle, "Autobiography of a spiritual renaissance man"

A two year old Torkom's photograph greets you in the starting page and his story starts with the chapter, "First Consciousness" and climaxed in the book with, "Interview : The Future of Humanity". We all know his story never ends, the ripples of spiritual aspiration he created would continue touching millions of lives!

As we go into the book, we start an exciting journey. We see life through his eyes, we feel his intense hunger to understand the mystery of life.

Personally, I needed this book at this point of time, to understand what it is like to be a warrior of light, to know what the choice of being one is like.

Like the sun rays that clear the fog, the book cleared several of my illusions. I travelled with him from his childhood till his death and I was there when he is making decision between an easy life and a striving life. I was there when his father is imparting wisdom to young Torkom and I was there when the Sedona temple was built and during his 35 years of service speech. I listened to his final words with tears in my eyes.

As I completed the book, I told myself, "If Torkom did it, I am going to do it and we all are going to do it"

Many times as I read his books I wondered, "How this man lived, it's definitely not a rosy path". I am sure
many of you would be thinking in similar lines and this book answers you.

"Even in an abandoned desert
Without food, water or a guide
Let his books be my my companions
my friends and teachers!
They feed my soul
clench my thirst for wisdom
And
Guide me to my Self." 

An affair with Poetry

                  "No matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the world"

Lying on my back, on a cold floor that could send shivers throughout your body, I closed my eyes.

Its dark around and only light came from the moon who is struggling to make her presence known among the leaves of the tree i lay under.

I opened my eyes and was mesmerized by the beauty of the moment and i created a poem.

This is the earliest recollection my poetry. 

"Write them on a paper else you will loose them", I remember my Mom warning me.

I never saw her point and thought it would always be inside me. But today, I regret not storing them up. 

But, its always inside me....and here are few words i wrote...which I dare call as poems!!

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Two Moons:

Holding her hand I lay under the night sky

Under a thick blanket of stars..

i wonder, are they angels?

Smooth wind blows by acknowledging our presence

I wonder, are they visiting someone?

Looking into her eyes, I said

Stars and wind assembled here to witness  a miracle

Two moons….one in the sky and one beside me

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Freedom

Free, I was born

Free, I live

As a free man I will die

For freedom is …...

my right, my duty and my destiny.

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a lonely walk, i walk

along the beach, on the wet sand,

allowing my feet feel the waves,

collecting few shells on the way.

Long i have been on this walk

to realize someone holding my hand would make it more beautiful

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Imagination

I see the sunflower waiting for sun

I feel the cool morning breeze

I hear birds cooing

I live all the beauty of a bright summer morning

sitting here, closing my eyes,

sailing on my imagination...

into my own inside.

I see a whole new world

and I wonder.....

did the world inspire my imagination

or imagination this world!

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Truth

Truth many a times is silent

for it does not have to prove itself

Hard to believe?

Observe your heart

it never persuades

it's language a silent whisper

learn to listen

and if you can

your life will be liberated by it's wisdom.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To the Lord

My Lord, give me the strength to follow the path I clearly see

Give me the wisdom to choose the most high

Shine your light upon me in times of need

Give me your shoulder when i am alone

You are always ready to receive me, with your arms open

Give me the courage to reach you

Even if it means loosing myself and becoming you

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Last Blink of Life

My eyes closed for the last blink of my life..

All the sunrises….all the moonlights…

All the dreams…all the aspirations…..

All the smiles….all the frowns….

All the dear ones and their love…

Appearing inside my mind’s eye for one last time.

An approval that I have really Lived it….

A tear on my cheek, a smile on my lips….

My eyes opened….and never closed……

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Best Gift

The most expensive of gifts might get lost

The most beautiful might fade away

The most unexpected can go only so far

If you are thinking of the best gift my friend,

Give a Hug and a kiss on forehead

That! That truly is the best gift one could get,

It touches heart, speaks to soul and is never lost.

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A Journey, A life

Splashes of water touching my feet,

I stand at the edge of a river,

At the end of a long journey.

I look back over the Horizon,

To Mountains, valleys; uphill and downhill,

All in my heart as memories and lessons.

Images of every life I had the honor to touch

Danced in my mind’s eye

On the other side of the river awaits my love.

Remembering the life I was given to live,

 Satisfaction was bestowed on me.

That I have truly lived it!

With water in my eyes and glowing smile on my lips

I took the step into the river that leads to the other side.

And for the next time, I pray the gods whatever they might be

Not to decrease my load but to give me stronger shoulders.

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Note:

Please do let me know what you think about them. It means real something when you get feedback from people whom you can count on.

Who am I?

I am not my personality....I am not my personality....I am not personality....I am not my personality!!!!!

I knew it all along that I am not my personality.But!

Almost an year, i spent my time studying various personality systems. These systems are the tools that would give us a picture of how, what our personality is. How we behave, what motivates us, what demotivates us, what are our natural tendencies etc etc.

Frankly, I did not study them to the depths, but I touched good number of these systems with one hope.

Hope to find Who I am!

But if I am in my right senses, I know I am not my "personality".

And when the something that is the real you growing in you, it would be confusing if still try to derive yourself from your personality.

I need to remember this. Once I go out of this blog, I might again go back to the same notion and again try searching myself in it.

I am not my personality....I am not my personality....I am not personality....I am not my personality!!!!!

Then y do I or people keep searching for themselves in personality?

I think because personality is easy to catch or may be tangible.

Then, How would I go beyond it and catch and hold onto my real self?

That's a question, and I will get an answer soon.

Meanwhile a quote from Torkom....

Modern man hates commands and orders. That is why he does not have willpower, concentration, and discipline. Instead, modern man obeys instantly the urges of his body, sex, stomach, habits, thoughts, and posthypnotic suggestions. He hates to obey a command from his Father or Teacher. 

The more we control our personality, the more the willpower increases within us.

The Moment in my Friend's life

Today Marks an important day in my friend's life!

In our long lives we meet so many people, some turn to friends, some to best, close and all the categories, some into lovers (yeah, some;) ), and wives..:P

Momentzz...I believe our lives are collection of several moments, right from our first cry to holding hands of our dear ones, crying, celebrating and much more!

I had several loving moments with a friend, who in several untold ways has been a guide, teacher, or even a motherly figure, scolding me!

It is said, love happens in unexpected ways, in the unexpected turns of our life.

It happened to her too in the most unexpected ways. I have been present through all her confusions, crossroads, romantic swings....and boy! it is such a pleasure to witness a love story in making.

One thing I truly realized is, this something called love really happens in unexpected ways. Your loved one might be waiting at any corner or any path you might be taking now or later.

In every love story there comes a moment, when each of them make a commitment...umm...its like a moment where both say to each other that they love each other.They might be knowing all the way from the moment they met each other., but the moment when they decide to spend rest of their lives like one being....its one if the most important one!

Today marks inclusion of that moment in my friends life!

And she gave me an audio file of how she proposed, which includes a song also!

Ohh Dear God, my dear old man...with a white beard!!
Ohh dear Goddess., my dear every glowing, most lovable woman!

You both better see that their journey is filled with love, joy and many blessings!

And I don't see any other option for you!

Meeting a remarkable man named Gurdjeiff

It's a circular hall with podium in the middle.

Several people were entering the hall and it's announced that the speaker of the day is "Gurdjeiff".

From the people who are entering, you could see legends, masters and several famous people.

and what am I?

At that moment I knew that I am nothing compared to them but I was lucky to be present in the same hall with them.

I humbly sat somewhere in the last and there he is!!

My master. I could feel an instant flow of love, gratitude and respect towards him. He sat in the first row. I picked the book lying in my lap and went to him.

"Master ", I said so politely that some part of me is thinking, "Why i am so polite, loving towards him? What is he?"

"I wrote a book, it is about my life", I continued and handed it over to him.

He opened that book and to my utter horror, "Almost all the pages are empty!"

Sensing my insides, He gave a laugh that sounded like a roar.

"This is your life and it is what you write it to be", he said with a calm face.

Few hours Later.....

I woke up!!

Yes, this is a dream!! But one of the rarest of its kind.

Well, I remember the below reactions as soon as I woke up

1. Who is the person to whom i felt so much love, respect towards?
2. What is the strange place where this meeting happened, am definitely sure it is not of this world and moreover it happened in a dream.(May be an Ashram, as told by Torkom?)
3. Who is Gurdjeiff?! (well, he is in the pic for now)

Even today I don't know whether i heard his name somewhere before or for the first time in s dream! (quite strange, huh?)

So, I searched him in Google and found out that he is an extraordinary man who lived an extra-ordinary life.

I tried reading some of his books, but always could not go more than few pages.. (This dream happened 2-3 years ago, so either i am lazy, delusional or both)

Do you see, sometimes you meet people coincidentally, but meeting them in a dream! - its definitely more than just a coincidence..

Time to see if I can read some words written by Gurdjieff, bye for now!

Invictus - My favorite poem

Have you ever read a poem, that you knew this is the one you would like to remember and carry with you an entire life?

Well, I have read one such poem named Invictus by William Ernest Henry and here it goes!

Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the Pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll.

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul. 

Torkom Saraydarian

Well....well.....I have at least 1000 times thought to write about him.

Thoughts like, "I don't have that much honor"

"He is a legend"

"I don't know about him much"

Or

"Whatever I tell might be less about his greatness." stopped me doing so.

It all started around 3 years back when my Mentor mentioned his name, declaring "Read Torkom" to a group of people.

Let me give a try, I thought.

For the next few months I searched many places hoping to lay hands on his books, but found none.

Frustrated, I left it.

Then, out of magic, I found one of his books, "Obsession and Possession". Few pages into it and I fell in love with him.

Soon I found that my mentor has a collection of Torkom's books. So it began; my journeys to his house just to borrow Torkom's books.



Every book impacted me, touched my heart, spoke to my soul.

Everytime I would think..."How can someone write like this"

He is not a person who lived in BC, but a man of 20th cnetury, who lived the life he inspires everyone to live.

He inspired me to dream big, to dream impossible. He inspired me to conceive an idea. An idea that made me sleepless, that put so much pressure on me....I always wished I never got that idea, that particular dream.

Many a times I wanted to write a detailed post about him, but backed off thinking that it would take days or even weeks to make him fully understandable.

Thats what I love about him, his achievements are so heavenly and yet he declares himself as a normal human being.

Then why am I writing this now?

Because, the most awaited book of my life came out...

Torkom's Autobiography!!!

Please refer to the below links to get your hands on it...

http://www.tsgfoundation.org/index.php?page=shop.product_details&category_id=4&flypage=flypage.tpl&product_id=6365&option=com_virtuemart&Itemid=164

http://www.tsgfoundation.org/index.php?page=shop.product_details&category_id=4&flypage=flypage.tpl&product_id=6364&option=com_virtuemart&Itemid=164

The funny feeling is I am scared to lay my hands on it....

This man so impacted me, I am scared how much more impact would come into my life if read his autobiography!

I many times would think, "I wish I could know how this guy lived all his life...."

Because I know it is not easy!!

And here I am now....waiting to buy his autobiography and then my little self, scared of the upcoming transformation, stops me and gives me a lame excuse "The right things happen at the right time"

My story apart, to everyone here.....I can vouch that his book would be worth every penny of yours and even much more....Cherish it!

Special Note : My special special special thanks to his daughter Gita Saraydarian who is working so hard to bring Torkom's work to humanity.

Also, Thank you for being a friend and a mentor to me.... :) (I wish I could meet you once)

Women - beauty, sensitivity and inspiration

" A woman is the full circle. Within her is the power to create, nurture and transform." - Diane Mariechild

I always accused my Dad for not giving me a sister. But, as I grew old, I learnt filling the gap with friends, cousins and neighbors. This helped me witness one of natures best miracle, a growth from innocence to innocence.

First, the innocence of childhood of a girl and the second

innocence in it's purest form, in it's best embodiment, as a full flowered woman.

When we divide the world into masculine and feminine, which should be given the better position?

Definitely not the masculine; it is too hard, too logical, just like our minds.

Not the feminine too; it is too soft, too loving, just like our hearts.

We need both and the matter of which is better becomes meaningless. 

But, if we stop for a moment to think who should be the lead. Then the topic takes a new turn. 

Let's see at our mind and heart.

Mind divides, manipulates, calculates and emphasizes more on itself.

Heart unites, loves, shares, synthesizes and the emphasizes  on the whole-self.

Once, I read an interesting thing, It said that the whole range of human thoughts fall into three categories.

Thoughts of lower mind,

Thoughts of Higher mind and

Thoughts of heart.

and it continues saying that the thoughts that created the greatest scientific breakthroughs, the best poetry, the best art are always the thoughts of heart.

Putting it all together, it becomes clear, that the major aspect is not who is better but who should be bestowed with the responsibility of being the leader.

And definitely, it is the heart that should lead with the counsel of the mind.

It is the feminine with the help of masculine.

I am not speaking about man and woman here. I am speaking about the masculine and feminine natures that are present in all of us.

It is said that, "All men have a woman and all women have a man inside them."

When we appreciate this fact, we truly realize which nature inside us has to be given the lead. 

Think about this, "We can never truly say Yes, without knowing that we have a choice of saying No". Similarly, we can only choose the best of what we can be, only when we recognize and appreciate all the forces inside us.

Women have an added advantage as they, by nature have a strong feminine side to them.

I consider the woman's movement for equal rights, for recognition, for respect as one of the best gifts human evolution gave it to itself.

At a subtler level, humanity learnt from the numerous mistakes it did throughout the history, from the bloodshed of wars fought for selfish ends, from the many dictators who ruled fueling the hatred among humans. This lead to the woman movement, not just by woman themselves but also by men. It is a collective movement for a better future.

The movement helped us achieve many milestones and also to realize the need for many more.

If I was asked to talk to this movement, to the women of the world; I would say this,

"The greatness, the achievement, the success of the women doesn't lie in women trying to be more like men, rather in recognizing, rekindling and nurturing their true nature, their real nature-bestowed gifts."

Who else would respect their nature, if women themselves won't do so?

And when women of the world start being more of themselves, then they become true and invaluable sources for Beauty, Sensitivity and inspiration.

To all women in the world, "Happy woman's day."

Career and calling

"What are your career plans?" I asked a 10th class guy.

"An IAS officer", his mother replied.

I looked at him and found a blank face.

"What are your career plans?" I asked him again.

"An IAS officer", his mother replied again with a look that translates to "Don't you dare ask him one more time!"



Will I stop....?

I took him aside, and asked him few questions like what are his interests, what he thinks his strengths are, etc.

Though hesitant initially, he poured his heart out.

I gave few pointers on how he can choose his career, and left him alone.

When I met him after two days, I immediately recognized his excitement.

"I am going to study law, you know, I love sherlock holmes, I love sloving puzzles, I have a great memory and many times i watch tv programs related to law." He told me so happily.

Fortunately, his parents agreed for it and his mother still repeated, "I will make him an IAS officer after he completes law"

His puzzle solved but not mine.

November 2011, I met my mentor. We had a small chat for 5 mins and he suddenly told me, "Gopi, don't confuse between career and calling"

That struck a chord. I agreed that I was confused and I took it up as a challenge.

I searched and researched a lot. In fact all of my waking time (except office) went to that and this is the reason there is no activity in my blog recently.

I have decided to give all I learnt in a concise way by giving you the pointers which you can use while deciding your career.

Here is goes...



 Know your self and be yourself


First let me define personality.
personality = physical + emotional + mental natures of a person.

Personality or personality traits are the patterns that you exhibit in your day to day life. It is the way you act and the way you react to events, people, challenges. It is the mechanism which you use to express yourself on earth and every personality is unique.


I read torkom saying that we should not have vanity. He continued saying that many people think vanity is excessive belief in one's own abilities but vanity is also not having enough belief on your abilities. "You should know what you are exactly, not less, not more."

The problem is many people don't know what they are exactly. It requires a life of dedication and self-observation which seems to be a long process.

Fortunately to make our life easy, there are several tools which we can use to know about ourself. One such tool is the MBTI system. It is a system developed based on Carl Jung's principles. It categorizes people into various categories based on four measures

1. Whether the person is Introvert or Extrovert
2. Whether he is sensing or intuitive
3. Whether he prefers thinking or feeling
4. Whether he is judging or processing

Based on the above, all people in the world are divided into 16 types. There are several online tests you can use to determine yours.



















A sample test is http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp

When you answer them, be truthful, answer according to what you are rather than what you think you should be.

If you don't like helping people and a question comes related to it, say it. Don't say otherwise and remember there is no correct answer to any question, it is all about your preference.

Once you complete the test, you get a code and its description. Read it and justify how far it applies to you and if you feel it is good enough, you can use the code and start digging into it more. It gives you a good picture of what your tendencies, strengths and weaknesses are.

Remember the below

1. If you don't like what you have got, leave it.
2.Nothing describes you exactly, anything, at its best, can give certain patterns of how you behave.
3. Everything that comes under your type may not apply to you and one type is not better than any other.
4. You might be someone who is inclined towards more than one type, so don't despair when you are not able to find an exact match.

Once you do the above, you get a fair idea about yourself (not 100% though). Then you can use your type and search for suitable career options.

You can refer to the below for more clarity

http://www.scribd.com/doc/15163830/Career-eBook-Do-What-You-Are-Discover-the-Perfect-Career-for-You-Through-the-Secrets-of-Personality-Type

Again, the above book gives only recommendations. Anyone can excel in any career, it is just the above gives the one that has more chance to use our natural abilities and can be done with least effort.

Career and Calling


Now that you know the possible career paths, what about your calling?




Whats the difference?

Career : Something that you are good at doing, that uses your talents, skills and pays you money.


Calling : Something that gives you satisfaction. Something that feels like the thing you are put here to do and something that you are always ready to do for free.

Major factor in Career is earning and in Calling is satisfaction.

Many people confuse both and make wrong decisions. (something which my mentor pointed to me). Ignoring any of these will be wrong move.

There are two ways of dealing with this.

Having both:


One way is to have and balance both in your life. You would have your career goals, you excel in it and when you have time you give it to your calling. A typical example can be a mechanical engineer who uses his weekends to give counselling and career guidance to teens.

The key here is balance.

Merging both


The other way is merging both. A similar example is where this mechanical engineer turns into full time career and student counselor.

The key here is finding a way to get paid for following your calling.

This book gives more insights into this topic http://www.amazon.com/Four-Purposes-Life-Direction-Changing/dp/1932073493


A touch of spirituality :


If you get clarified about your personality, career and calling...almost all the work is done. But I thought to add something which also helps you understand about yourself.

This is based on ancient neurological theories and since it came from one of the most practical spiritual author's I have ever read, I gave it a try and it really looked great.



Refer to the links below.

http://www.peacefulwarrior.com/life-purpose-calculator
http://www.amazon.com/Life-You-Were-Born-Live/dp/091581160X

The END


This settles everything. If you really wanna have all answers about career and calling, this post will be a good start. The MBTI system even explains the midlife career crisis. Career and Calling comes into picture in every critical decision you take. The numerology system tells you about your talents and the challenges you need to overcome. I did my best to combine psychology, philosophy and spirituality to answer career dilemma.

I request you all to suggest this post to all people who you think might find a use from it.

Note : I recently was having a writers block and I thank the girl who always (even today) kept asking me about my blog activity.

 This is dedicated to you!....:)

Whom to blame?

As the cries of pain woke me up.....

Before I continue the above sentence, I would like to tell you an incident from my life.

When I was a little boy, one day, I witnessed killing of a hen. I cried, shouted, protested against it. Mom tried controlling me but in vain.

"This is the chicken curry that you so fondly eat!" she told. I received a shock and stopped crying for a moment. "But, don't kill it, ", I continued protesting.

"If anything is suffering and you cry for it, God will punish you!", she told.

This time I stopped crying. The fear of getting punished made me stop.

But what followed was the greatest shock in my life. The following day, I was served super tasty chicken in lunch. Even now, I clearly remember that day. With every bite of food, I was controlling tears, I was thinking, "Is this a hen I am eating?" "What should I do now?". I was so young, that I don't know there can be any other alternative.

Perhaps that's the day when the seed is sown which turned me into vegetarian as I grew up. Why am telling this story, because I thought every child is sensitive as I was!

Now let's go back to the starting line.

Last week one fine day at 8:00 am.

Cries of pain from a puppy (stray) woke me up. It is common that you witness stray dogs fighting, so i ignored it first but as the cry continued I went onto road to check it.

I saw a house keeper(a 12- 13 year old) carrying her owner's kid, along with breakfast on a plate. She is kicking the puppy with her leg, ignoring it's cries and following it wherever it ran.

I immediately recollected that many young kids on the street are hurting these puppies, throwing rocks and sand. But  the house keeper doing it -it kind of surprised me and as usual angry too.

The puppy so small, may be few weeks old and so cute!

I went to the housekeeper and shouted, "What the hell are you doing?"

She got scared, and replied me "This kid said, he will eat one bite of breakfast , for one kick given to the puppy."

I looked at the kid, hardly 4-5 years and I don't know what to say.

I used to challenge people that children are like angels with fiery hearts and that grownups need to learn from them!

Here I see a child who is enjoying, demanding cruelty on a innocent puppy.

As i sacred both of them, i went to the puppy and I saw it, not a scratch or wound but a hole in its stomach and blood pouring down. Another person and I did some first aid, but the puppy was unable to withstand it, it soon ran away searching for it's mother. And with such a wound, i doubt it's survival and even it survives I don't think it gets out of it's impact. Entire day, I was disturbed and was unable to get out of it.

What made a kid, so young, enjoy cries and pain of some other innocent creature? Whom to blame?

May be all the violence they witness in movies
or
video games where successfully killing an animal makes u win it
or
bloody images they witness in their day to day life
or
something else!!

What can the solution be?
Right education?
or
Can parents do something?
or
Do they need to go through life and learn themselves?


and may be, it's time we realize this and take the necessary steps, because....

Every child with right guidance and nurturing is destined to greatness!

Freedom

As the news came that a new viceroy family is coming to the estate, Shakunthala got the entire house cleaned, furniture setup and decorations made. Shakunthala was the maid and cook for the viceroy families from the past 5 years. Her husband works as the watchman and gardener. They have a 7 year old boy named Ramu. Since they were needed in the estate all the time, they were allowed to live within the estate but in a far end. This is the best living the family could get being untouchables.

Next day, the viceroy family arrived along with several relatives. Shakunthala had the busiest of the days with all the chores to be taken care of. In two weeks, the relatives left the house which now has only Viceroy family : The Viceroy, his mistress and their young daughter.

Being a untouchable, Shakunthala was allowed to enter only the kitchen and from the back door only. Within few days, she understood that the new mistress is a good person. The new mistress had no restrictions, never bothered about the untouchablility of her servants and she event sent sweets to Ramu regualarly.

Ramu stays alone in his house. He never had the fortune to go to school or play with other kids, and he never understood why he is a untouchable.

One day he heard a girl's voice nearby. Though he was not allowed, his curiosity made him search for the source. Under the shade of a tree he saw a beautiful girl singing and playing with her doll. To his eyes, she looked like an angel. Her skin, white colored; her eyes, blue; her dress, the finest of the fiber, confirmed it.

She saw him approaching towards her and her eyes widened with a curiosity that she might get a playmate. In minutes, Ramu and Jessy became friends.

With the permission of her mother, Jessy invited Ramu to their house. The huge walls, beautifully craven wooden furniture, paintings hanging on walls, it looked like a new world to him. Day after day the visits to the house became regular and he started enjoying his new freedom. Everyday both the children would play for few hours and study together. Jessy became more than Ramu's friend,  she became his teacher.

A year passed.

1947 August 14 midnight, huge sounds woke Ramu from sleep. He went running to see what it is and all he could see is everyone dancing, shouting and firing crackers. He went to an old man and asked him , "Dadaji, what happened?"

"We got freedom beta ", he replied.

Ramu never heard about this word and asked, "What is freedom?"

"Freedom means you will always be happy, like everyone now is, look around beta, everyone is celebrating, this is freedom!" Dadaji replied.

The next day morning he went running to Jessy to tell her that they got freedom and they always be happy and celebrating. As he entered the house, he observed that all servants are busy packing things. He went to Jessy's room, and asked her "Are you going to a tour?"

"Mother said we are going to home", she replied.

"But this is your home, our home, here we live! we also got freedom and you know, we can always celebrate! " he replied.

But she did not show any excitement. He sat beside her and asked, "Can i also come with you?"

"Mom said you cannot come, here is your home."

With tears in his eyes he gave her a tight hug, wishing time stops at that moment.

Viceroy's family left the estate which was now occupied by a zamindari family. In few days, Shakunthala understood that the new family is particular about untouchables and they don't want them entering the house except Kitchen.

Ramu heard that a new family came to the house. His mother warned him that the old rules are back for him and that he should stay inside their house only. Thinking that his mother told the same when the previous family came, he decided to pay a visit to the new family.

He entered the house and saw the new mistress. "Good morning madam!", he greeted her. The new mistress, quite impressed by this, called him near her and asked, "Who are you ?".

"I am Shakunthala's son ", he replied

Mistress's eyes became wide with anger and she went to the kitchen shouting, "Shakunthala!!"

"How dare your son enter my house, have you never taught him any manners? Have you never told him that he is an untouchable, that he belongs to the lowest of the human beings?" she started shouting at Shakunthala.

Shakunthala asked the mistress to forgive him, that he is just a kid and he got used to the house because of the previous family.

The mistress, outraged by the sin committed by Ramu, picked up a wooden stick and started beating him.

With each touch of the stick feeling like fire, he is shocked that even his mother is not stopping the mistress. Ramu closed his eyes. Tears flowing out, and pain all over the body, he remembered Jessy, her eyes, her smile.

It was midnight, and 6 hours passed before Ramu became conscious. He tried opening his eyes but he was unable to, he tried moving his body but he could not feel anything except pain. A few minutes passed and he felt that his mother is holding his hand, a touch which he can always recognize.

"Mother?" he tried calling but felt that his voice was not coming out.

He tried another time and succeeded to let it out with a feeble voice.

Shakunthala realized that her son finally came back to consciousness. "Yes son", she replied.

"Dadaji told me that everyone got freedom but why did not I get it?" He asked.

With tears flowing down her cheeks, Shakunthala held his hand tight and kissed on his forehead.

When people scold you..............

We were standing in a row...and i was standing back of one of my classmates, a girl with whom i used to fight like anything. Unfortunately i don't remember her name. We were standing in a row for some reason and as usual we started fighting. As a teacher came near, that girl put a sad face (a common girl's trick) and complained "Gopi is scolding me!"

I was shocked!

I replied with much more innocence that I did not do anything.

But she complained again to the teacher and teacher started giving me some doubtful looks!!

I was all shocked and after the teacher left us, i shouted at her for lying! Now, she almost broke into tears...:D

Now the joke is, I thought scolding means beating (i was very young that time), so when she complained to the teacher, I thought that i never beat her and so was shocked. The word "scold" erupts this memory from my memory bank but the real roots lie way back in the past.

I used to have difficulty pronouncing the letter "R".  One day my cousin sister told my Mom that she will teach me how to pronounce it properly. She made me sit in a chair and sat opposite to me with a stick in her hand. She started making me pronounce many R-words and for every wrong pronunciation she would scold me and  give me a kiss with that stick on my hand. (poetic...:P)

After some time passed, i started crying (i was very very young, probably 8 or 9) and I shouted at her, "No one of my cousins scolds me, which makes you the worst among all my cousins!!"

She was shocked! A young guy like me using such words, she told me "Only people who truly love you can truly scold you"

At that age, i did not understand it, obviously at that age people who scold us are villains in our life. But it stayed in my mind as an unanswered question and only after years of observation i understood it.

If we observe, we can see that when we win, accomplish something, many people congratulate us, praise us, party with us and laugh with us....

But

When we are being stupid, messing up with life, only and only few people would scold us.

and this can be a good way to spot the real friends.

When people scold you..."it can be an opportunity to identify people who really love and care for you."

PS : This article is not intended to encourage people to scold each other....and mind it...I might not like it when you always try to scold me....:P

Closed Door

Before I go into details about the title, let me tell you an incident. This incident comes to my mind whenever i think about a closed door.

This happened way back, at certain age when I don't know how old I am! Less than a year may be. Mom and I were alone in the house. The house was locked from inside and mom was inside a room. I can see a great horror in my mom's eyes whenever she narrates the event. I, the chotu Gopi, locked her room from outside and sat on the floor and started crying!

Haha...You can imagine! Mom so painstakingly tried to give me instructions to me from inside the locked room. I  am a stupid now only, imagine a one year old me! :D

Anyways after few hours, i finally freed her! And this incident became a sweet (rather horrific) memory to my mom and to me it's a reminder of how idiotic I was (am!).

I am in many ways a closed door. Even people who think know me, don't know much about me. There is always another closed door to be explored, always!

It has always been difficult for me to share about things about myself and to trust.

Why?

I gave it a thought too, and I must say I am not sure. The best reason I can come out with is "May be because of few experiences I had."

When people always try to change you, tell you to be like everyone else, always try to change you rather leave to be yourself....as you grow up, you become smart enough to conceal the real you and give people the version they wanted and after few years as you look back you end up thinking no one really understands you, where as the real problem you is not being yourself. This is precisely my story too.

Few months back, i realized this and i told myself that I would open up. I would let the person inside me to come out, but what to do? I cannot go to everyone saying this is not me, the real me is somewhere inside me! (and horrify them! :P)

Pretty confusing huh?

So i came up with an innovative idea and guess what, this blog took birth!

Yeah, this is the place where I be myself 100%. I can open up, be my real version, tell my opinions and don't have to worry if I may not fit in or my view of life is different. This blog, right here, helped me a lot to open the closed door (a little of course) and I am no more sacred to myself! :) (I have my set of fears too!)

Pretty honestly i am trying to open up and it takes some time. (so much time actually!).

Still me is me, and no matter how much you think you know me, you don't know me. :P

Then why am I telling all this?

Well, if you think I am not opening up according to your expectations, know that it is my natural tendency. That it takes some time for me, that it doesnot mean I am trying to neglect you.

Next time, Don't just knock the door, BANG IT! If once you are able to navigate the inner chambers, you wont be disappointed! (I can assure this)

My teacher

We all are sailors travelling back,

back to the place where we came from.

The sail, sometimes stormy, sometimes smooth,

sometimes lonely, sometimes with fellas.

There comes a time in the sailors life,

when he gets the courage to inquire,

about his nature, life and the sail.

Fueled by his courage, his passion sustains and makes him ready,

thus a student is born.

When the student is ready, the teacher appears;

marking the beginning of an eternal companionship, 

where each fulfills the other.

The above few words (which i am doubtful what to call, a passage? a poem? ) explains it all. This applies to everyone, "when the student is ready, the teacher appears".

There is an old saying,  "God created man and woman because he loves stories." Every man and woman has a story to tell, not just one story, but  many stories that are interwoven and form their life. Here comes my story about my teacher.

Two and half years back, one fine day I met him. I heard he read thousands of books, "let me see him once, i thought". On the very first day, in that small group of people, he came to me, looked into my eye and told me "I liked your dedication, keep it up!" That struck a chord. I knew I am serious about the mystery of life as a whole but no one ever pointed me that it can be called dedication.

I started visiting him. I would go to his house, sit there, right in front of him and would ask questions. I would decide to ask few, but as I start asking him, each answers of his would give birth to another question and it goes on. I used to go to the deepest of things. This routine continued. I would call him, talk for an hour or visit him, stay few hours. Almost all conversations are Q and A format. He answered patiently, not for days, months but for 2 and 1/2 years. 

It's only in the beginning of the year 2011, I started to understand. It's in this same year I realized his true value. I never told him what a great teacher he is, not even till today. We kept journeying along without any titles. 

How lucky I am, to have met him! I went through some rough weathers which I think he too have gone through himself and may be thats one of the reasons he handled me the best way possible. 

He never would give me direct suggestions, never. He answered me and left me to take my own course of action. All along he was there as a guiding presence.

Some of his best word to me (which i think might help you too)....

• Don't try to figure out everything with just your mind.  Thinking wont solve everything, learn to use intuition
• You never get what you want, but what you need. Create a need first.
• Develop a holistic perspective. Take any thing and view it from a scientific, philosophic, spiritual, psychological perspectives. Be inclusive.
• There are causes and effects. Work on the causes and be detached from the outcome. Effects will be taken care themselves.
• Keep your head high in the sky and feet rooted in the ground.
• Don't bother about speed. Find your pace in  life.

The above just a few, there are many more.

All these years he answered me every time, never expected anything from me and I, not even once did anything for him. What can I do? What can match all the guidance he has been giving me all this time?

May be, one day when I am ready, I can find someone like me who wants answers and shall guide him.

But...

Will I have the patience and the grandeur vision to guide, nurture, answer someone all the time for two and half years and not expect anything at all?

Our dear ones

I wanted everything around me to be silent, I want to concentrate on what I am doing, but it's noisy and it disturbed my mood.

Just then I got a call from one of my dearest one.

I didn't talk properly, I was not responding the way I would generally. I am showing my bad mood.

He didn't say a word. He understood I think.

I ended the call with the same mood.

As I am alone in my room, my heart started talking. I have been developing heart qualities for a while now and I am happy to say that my heart plays a major role in my life.

You have to call back, he is your dearest one, don't be scared, heart told me.

So I called back, while I was listening to the caller tune, I was thinking how to start conversation, how to apologize.

As he picked up the phone, asked me, "What happened?"

I didn't talk properly so I called back, I told him.

He laughed and immediately started conversation.

20 mins and it all ended differently now and I am at peace. (My heart is!)

Many times we show our bad moods on dear ones, and it's very difficult to apologize after. Fortunately the best thing about our dear ones is they would understand us even before we apologize.

But do we really recognize their value in our life?

My dad sometimes says to me, "Many people realized the value and greatness of your grandfather only after he died."

This always stayed in my mind. It should not happen with me I told myself.

I have many dear ones in my life. The best family, friends, relatives, colleagues....

Dad would say, "Wherever you go, you always have a family, the perfect people, the perfect circumstances, i think you are the luckiest one."

Yes, I am very lucky, right from my childhood I was always with people who love me, who are always there for me.

Strange phenomenon is the more close a person becomes to me the more chance that I show my bad mood on him.

I am changing it now a days, with the help of my dearest 'heart'.

People, we many times take the dear ones in our life for granted and overlook their true value. It's not always easy to say a sorry, also it's better to prevent these situations than going for a cure.

I wish Gopi would face his bad mood next time with courage!

On a rainy day with a choco chip cookie

As I lazily opened my eyes after a short mid day sleep, i realized it's raining outside my window.

Rain!

I got up, opened my refrigerator, took out a choco chip cookie and went into the balcony.

With cookie in one hand and other hand stretched out to feel the tiny droplets of water, I went away...backwards...years back!

I was waiting for my brother and suddenly a thought came to me, "Its sunny now and if i ask the nature to rain, will it happen?"

Okie, let me try, I thought and asked for rain.

5 minutes passed and there it is!

Remembering this, unconsciously i wore a smile on face, the hand with cookie is empty now.

A 12 year old going by the road saw me and gave a smile.

Is it tea? I asked him.

Yes, he replied.

Do you sell it? I asked.

Yes sir, he replied.

hot chai and tiny droplets of rain, perfect! I thought.

Went down, bought the chai.

Wat do u do ? I asked the boy.

I do my own business, I sell tea to people around here. he replied.

A 12 year old entrepreneur! Vaah!!

Its after he left, I realized someone is shouting behind me.

Ricky!

He waits for few minutes to see if I am coming to him or not. If I dont go, he would bark, jump and do all the natak.

I freed him and let him play with me. He would jump, fight, chew my hand but at the end both of us are joyful playing like two 5 year old kids!

In few minutes,

I had rain for me,

a choco chip cookie,

Hot chai!

play with ricky! and yeah

opportunity to meet a 12 year old entrepreneur.

The more you grasp the little things of life, the more you realize how joyful life is!

It goes beyond what you can see!

It's just a small thing!

No one is recognizing me, then why bother doing this at all!

Small acts of kindness don't matter!

Life is full of unconnected events!

Have you ever had these kind of thoughts? The thoughts which say that you are a tiny fragment in this vast world, that the things you do are forgotten within no time or the value of things you do is the equivalent to the praise you get?

I used to have these things in me, but no more and in order to eliminate these from you, I would tell you a story.

A story of three persons, lets name them as person1, person2 and person3.

Person1

Person1 born and grew up in Asia, he witnessed holocaust in his early age, He learnt from many great sages, went to every Ashram of Asia. Then he went to USA. He dont know english much, but he has things to tell to the world, He learnt English.

His entire life he would wake at around 4 am in the morning and would start writing for few hours. He did that for many years and at the end there were totally 140 books!

He was unable to see that all his books got printed in his life time. After he died, his daughter took the job of printing his books and i think there are still many books to be printed.

Person2:

Person 2 is person who searches for knowledge, He went for organization to organization, Gurus to Gurus and satisfied no where. Even one of his close relative is a well known person in India. But he was not satisfied. He was frustrated!

One fine day he wrote an email to person1's daughter, saying that there is no where true wisdom available.

Person1's daughter sent him a parcel. A parcel full of her father's books worth more than 1 lakh as a gift to him. She told him to read those books.

Person 2 after reading his books, for the first in his life felt that he found a real master. He decided to let as many people as possible know about the existence of person1.

Person3

He is a young fellow, searching for true wisdom. Like our person2 he tried all possible places and methods.

Someone told him, "If your search is true, you will find it!"

His search is true, but he is not able to get what he want. He wants the path towards infinity!

He was frustrated, depressed, there are times when he would sleep at night, wishing that he wont wake up the next day!

and one fine day he met Person2 and got introduced to Person1's books.

and Abracadabra!!

Person3 is now a changed person, he now atleast see the path clearly!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Person1 is long dead, few decades back. He never thought about fame, nor money, nor recognition. He knew in future someone might be in need of true knowledge and he kept writing those books.

Imagine what would have happened to Person2 and 3 if the person1 didn't write those books.

Hats off to him, and for his vision.

People, many times we might think how we going to get fruits for our actions, and how soon we are going to get them!

But I would say, look centuries ahead and remember that even a small action done for the welfare of humanity lives forever. Even a small act of kindness lives forever!

You may not be alive to see it happen, you may be forgotten but the affect of your act goes on and on!

It goes beyond what you can see!!