Decisiveness and Perseverance

Note : After many days I am going to write about some stupidness of mine!

Decisiveness is the ability to see clearly through fog and arrive at a conclusion.

Perseverance is the ability to act on your decision no matter how many times you fail.

Having defined the terms lets go to the story.

I came across a group (cannot give name here) and after being cautious for many days, i thought its time to be active in the group and so I started involving in its activities.

Time went on and everyone started liking me but I thought with few changes the group can do miracles and I conveyed the same to the president of the group. He was impressed and we decided to implement our idea.

So far so good.

Tadaaa!!

I suddenly started getting few illuminations and realized this group is not the right one for me and so i decided to drop out. (our goal is same but our approached are different)

This is the decision I took.

But I started to involve in the group again. I told myself many reasons, I want to change the group, have to help someone, let me just keep in touch with them etc etc

This is where I started failing my decision.

Abracadabraa!!

I had very long discussion (partly argument ) with the president of the group. I tell how things have to be and he supports why the things are like they are and it went on and on. It continued till 5 am of saturday morning.

This is the stupid thing I did, just not failed my decision but failed it miserably!

I have to speak only that much necessary and never argue . This is what decided many days and I failed this too.

I lost energy, so much energy and was damn tired!

I tired all sorts of things to rejuvenate but nothing worked. I tried sleeping, relaxing, hanging out, movies, music, eating and nothing worked.

As the clock showed 10 pm on sunday night, I decided to keep my laziness aside and spend some time in nature.

In the silence of night, with cloudy sky above and surrounded by many plants/trees I spent 1 and half hour and

Zapaak!!

I am back!!

After two days of uneasiness I finally feel relaxed now.

One funny thing happened, as I looked above I saw clouds moving fast and suddenly there it is!

A star shaped cloud.

and A deer, nope three of them,

then a rabbit

and leopard and many more!!

Its like a jungle and they were moving fast. I forgot myself and laughed (a childish laugh grown ups would lose with age) and I loved it!!

Oh, I digressed. Let us come back.

So I failed my decision and had to suffer for two days (weekend man!!).

Now I again told myself, "No more involvement in the group whatever the voice inside my head might tell"

This is perseverance!

Friends, many times we take certain decisions and fail ourselves (very badly). We face the consequences and scold ourselves for the weakness. But remember if you start trying again, it means you are a courageous person.

And my experience says that there is no need to scold yourself no matter how badly you fail yourself. It means you have something unfinished and have to learn something over there (no arguments/unnecessary discussions is the lesson in my case).

And remember all that matters is whether you are trying again or not! (Perseverance my friends!)

Food and Me

Mom says, it used to be a great effort in my childhood days to make me eat. it all changed now i think..:P

Am not a glutton at all, but I love to have the best quality food in limited quantity. I never loved to eat so much quantity.

One best pals of mine are sweets!! Paternal grand father is a famous sweet maker back at home and its all sweets and sweets to me!!

Mom is the best cook in the world! Yeah i know many sons say this but its a proven fact that she is the best among all the family members.

In my childhood I used to be very particular about mom's food. Rather than particular i have to say I was very protective. I never liked anyone sharing my food. Its tasty and its mine!!

Then comes my maternal grandmother, an expert in non vegetarian. The queen of the spices. Ohh myy Godd!!! We all used to meet at her house every Sunday and almost 10-15 people used to eat together. We many times had to eat with literally glasses of water aside. Such a spicy food she used to make! but at the end its super tasty!Mom got skill from her mostly.

With such experts in family its a shock to everyone when I turned vegetarian.The best thing is Mom learnt many special veg dishes only after I turned vegetarian, Hahaa!! :D

5 years out of my hometown, I badly miss my home food. On the way I got used to eat whatever is available in whatever quality!

One of my good friends is my intermediate chemisty lecture (yeah, its true!) and he shifted to Hyderabad during my Btech. Sometimes he would invite me to his house and would feed me like anything. He and his wife would sit with me and make me eat like their own son. Wow!! A true family food and true sentiment (yeah, not my area at all :P)

But things look like changed in the past year. I eat many lunch boxes daily at office which gives me so much home food!!

Special thanks to

Srini's "Dal and Mango pickle" (pappu and avakayi)

to Vinoth's "sambar rice" (and few other rice items mixed with something, a tamilian style)

to KC's "Super duper Potato fry " (I would do anything for this!)

to Akhila's special lunch box (she is such an idiot, she gave me only few times!!)

to Kiran's "Majjiga charu" (She would call me in the morning and would tell me "Gopi I am bringing your favourite dish, dont have any breakfast today, you can eat double the quantity of lunch today! Such a superb person she is!!")

to A new friend who gave me her box one day with super duper sweet, super beans curry and mango pieces!!

Ohh yeah, forgot Giri's fryums (from cafetaria's daily Dawat..:D).

People, I am revealing a weakness of mine. Feed me once with some super tasty food and I am done!! once and all!

PS:

Special special thanks to KC and his mother. Had a good homely lunch in super home atmosphere on last sunday and the best part, his mother did that special potato fry for me!! (Guys! only for me!!), Isn't that super cool?!

PPS : I am hungry now!!

Mommy!! :(

Here comes another

Gopi, your blog is superb!!

But there are certain posts which are not understandable and they are worst and waste! few people told me this.

Haha, I know what they were referring to :)

The only purpose I write this blog is I want to open up!

I just want to make myself comfortable sharing things, After these many posts I think I have achieved that to certain extent. I also get that feel that someone is listening to what I am saying. Inorder this to continue I should give what people "can" read and unfortunately people seem to love sugar coated things.

So I came with this idea of starting another blog.

http://ajourneytowardsinfinity.blogspot.com/

I created it yesterday (my birth date :) ) and currently I decided to give access to it only on request basis. People this blog is going to contain hell lot of indigestible information (to many of you).

The blog you are reading now is my second blog. So it makes the new one third. My first blog is a full length story (a novel).

So here is the pattern

first blog(no access to anyone ...:P ) ----> a short novel (a stupid story written almost 4 years back).

Second blog (open to everyone) -----> The sugar coated one, helping me open up and yeah somewhat has my ego boosting elements (after all I am human and i sometimes boost my ego in the eyes of others)

Third blog (limited access)-------> No sugar coating, would have information about my findings(hopefully), true knowledge, and things of what i aspire to be.

It looks like the frequency of postings in this blog going to decrease..:)

The best Birthday Gift

Now its 1:20 am and everything around me got silenced, back to normality i can say!

Though I am half sleepy, I decided to write this post..for this post is worth it!

I have to justify the title, In the age of Ipads, Iphones, all other accessories (and many more), the gift I am talking about is a poem I just received and the coolest thing is, its about me..:)

Ohh man!! read it once, observe the wording and the flow. May be this is one of the best poem's written (majorly to me). If I ever have to write my autobiography, this poem does more than enough job.

I am going to paste it here as it is!! But before you start reading I have to warn you, if you feel any exaggeration on the way, that's writers imagination and remember I am always the same old Stupid Gopi..:P

Here it goes

July 21, 1989…..

When life wanted to show a completely different view,

a picture that was unique and very new,

Something that would help the others in turn too,

That was when the world was blessed with a gem, a gem was born and that is you… JJ

A one that was by himself, a very stubborn and a quiet one,

A thirsty one who has more questions to himself than anyone..

A warrior who keeps struggling in search of what he wanted,

A path he had chosen on which very few haunted…

Thinking in a broader sense is nothing new for him,

Giving the world what they needed is what he wished within.

No matter what happens he knew to hide his feelings behind that smile,

A smile that he showed to the world, no matter what he's ever done…

There are very few in this world who choose to be so,

And even more few who dare to dream at a larger scope.

Working towards it requires a lot of courage,

That's what life wants to show in its own mileage..

These are the free birds, different in their own way,

No one can stop them once they decide their way..

They free the others too and while doing so,

The other birds start thinking what they have never thought of before!

Such gems make the world feel very happy..

And when these are your special friends they make you feel very lucky!!!!

It gives pride in understanding such sparkling stars,

Stars that will always keep shining no matter what's going on there around!

And on this very special day, we wish this lucky one,

All the happiness that life has in store for one!

May your dream come true and may you keep doing what you always wish to do..

May you succeed in whatever you do and that's a humble wish for you J

May you be blessed with a very long life,

Filled with excellent health, prosperity and happiness as you continue your strive..

May this day bring you many special moments on its way,

A wonderful and unforgettable day, Gopi, wishing you A Very Happy Birthday!!

PS:

I am officially not allowed to say thank you to my friend! (hence i used the pic :P)

But wow, when you look at a poem which is written for you and about you, its a different thing!!

So I think everyone over here agrees that this is the best birthday gift one can get (you have to agree..:P).

Mom and Dad

Year 1989, Month July, Date 21, time xx:xx am, I took my first breath of this life , "hmm another incarnation and have to start again from the beginning", this is the most probable thought in my head that day i suppose...:P (Read my previous post titled "It all happened at that moment").

I used to feel like a odd man out from the day 1. I used to wonder why no one understands me. "Whats wrong with your son? he never talks much", this is the constant complete about me. I was always silent, or with plants, animals, birds, pets or anything that doesn't demand me to talk but gives me a space and freedom to just be.

I always used to wonder, "why did i select this set of parents" (yeah, we select our parents before we come here)

"I think I was found by my parents at the hospital", i used to tell my friends when i was around 5 years old.

haha...:P, even now, when I think about it, a big smile comes on my face.....sheer innocence of mine!

It doesn't mean that my parents are rude to me. Never!

Oh yeah, I used to be scared of my father at young age. They say even when i was very very young I used to start crying as soon as dad entered house. He was a Hitler to me those days...:D

Till 2006, my life went on and on, am least bothered abt anything, its all goodie at home and busy with studies. I remember how our family used to have dinner together every single day (even now), how we used to have good tasty food (mom is an expert among all relatives), I remember playing with Dogs at grandmothers house and remember Dad warning me not go near them. "Its not healthy being too much with them".

i remember how mom used to teach us things like "You should not tease people, whenever you go to any ones house you should not touch anything, etc etc"

Its in 2006, one day I had to take a long journey to some place and dad accompanied me. Its then I understood what he was. We talked for hours and hours like friends. I even read his diaries and saw a man in making. Till then he was Hitler and that one journey changed it all.

I saw who he was from inside.

Dad for some reason always used to look at me like an mature person and from that day we became friends.

Year 2007, Oh my god so much happened in this one year. I can write a separate blog post on this one year!

This year I started being myself once and for all. I am serious about something and I used to be completely involved in it. Parents realized that and used to try to keep me normal.

Whenever I go home, I used to have long discussions with Dad, which few times used to end up as arguments. We talk about things which I think no father-son does, "the bigger q's about life."

from 2007 to 2010 end this is the situation. Many times when we go to some family functions Dad would ask me to act normal.You see, telling ."Son! just act normal, dont be yourself!"

yeah, I used to have the same question, "why did i select this set of parents?"

There came the year!!

yeah the year!!

called 2011!!!

My god!, so many things happened in this year too, especially the first 4-5 months!

1.) I suffered a lot!

2.) I found my mentor, (actually even before 2011 but realized his value lately)

3.) I found a very special friend (Oyy my dear old man (god), I dont need anything else!)

4.) I found my answer!

The answer is my parents with their love, my upbringing, some of those arguments balanced me into normality..:) otherwise I would have been long ago lost!

I am not saying I am normal now..:P But yeah I realized many things during the initial months of this year and I sometimes felt so moved by the way how i was taken care of, all along by my parents.

I have a picture perfect family. It's all love and affection..:)

Dad's world has only two people, "Brother and me, not even mom and himself i think".

Mom's world has only three, "her husband and son's. "

as this is a public blog, I tried to give minimal possible information about my parents. Before I end, I have to say this,

Mom is a straight forward person (I inherited this from her). She always looks like a very very innocent woman to me. I sometimes tease Dad that he was lucky to get married to a woman like Sita. yeah! Mom rarely disagrees with Dad.

Dad has huge fan following. Anyone who meets him for the first time would definitely love him. He loves us to the extreme. He very patiently explains everything to us and yeah a bit good at giving rather long lectures...:D

recently one of my friend's met Dad and in his words "Gopi, even though its first meeting it felt like your dad is my family member. His simplicity, his way of talking impressed me so much. I decided to keep in touch with him forever."

this pretty much explains everything about him.

During one of my discussions with Dad, the topic went to the way people are living and I asked him, "You are living like everyone else, what did you achieve in your life?"

"I got You as my son" He replied.

Dad, i know its a huge responsibility and I would do my level best!

PS:

Along with Mom and Dad, one of the best gifts I had is my brother. I didn't mention much about him here. I know he reads my blog and

Dear Bobby (my brother), i would write an entire post about you soon, so stay tuned!

It ends here!

Once upon a time there lived a warrior.

A question arose in him and he needed an answer.

He told the world, "Rather than love, than money, than fame, than success, than faith, give me truth."

He know that truth sets him free.

He started a journey, searching for answers. He met many people, had lot of mind blowing experiences but was unable to lay his hands on what he was looking for.

He moved ahead, still unsure of whether the direction is right.

Its the climb that counts, he thought to himself.

He found a group of people. Finally this looks like a group that can accept me as myself. At least I can a bit of myself here, he thought.

He kept moving and moving, still unsure whether its the supposed path.

After four years, one day he got an illumination, a inch of clarity about the path he is supposed to tread.

But the hard fact is, he has to leave the group. The one of very few places where he felt home.

He had to make a decision, a hard one!

Fruit of 4 years of struggle one side and the group at the other.

He made his choice, he decided to be on his path, even its leaving the group, even its difficult to do.

Today, July the 16th at 5 am he made the move.

A hard to make move!

He told himself, "let the path of struggle end here and the path of striving and joy open up!"

Is it already 4 years?!

:)

At the end he is free and he is on his path, it's all that counts to him.

Maaya- A story of love.

As the darkness of the night blinded everything around him, he is alone, standing on the edge of a cliff. Looking at the river 100's of feet below, he thought "Its just one step from here, why am I scared?"

A cool breeze touched his face, made his scarf make waves in the air. This unwelcome guest took him somewhere.Maaya....

He still remember the first day he saw her, he felt as if she is the only presence in a group of people. He tried show his wit, "I don't care!" is her reply. Days passed and they became more than just good friends, to the extent that everyone envied their love.

Just when he felt everything was perfect, he discovered that Maaya was hiding something from him. Day by day he observed that she was becoming weaker and when the reason came to him it's more than sadness, than horror, than emptiness. Maaya was suffering from a terminal illness. Even under insurmountable pain she was always smiling and she hid that from him for 6 months now.

She now had only few days left.
As everything before him blurred, he came back to the present. His eyes now filled with tears he remembered her last words spoken just a day before, "Don't do anything stupid, I love you and will always be with you."

She said she would always be with me then why am i feeling this infinite emptiness around me not even before a day has passed without her.

"I am standing here alone for two hours now, unable to take one step, am i scared? Why should I be scared? After all a life without her is not worth living for me" with this thought, he closed his eyes, took a deep breath, stepped ahead.

After few seconds of free fall, he was thrust into icy cold water. He struggled in the water, grasping for one breath of air. Many pictures came into his mind, his childhood, his friends and that day, the day he met her, her eyes! As he saw her eyes in his mind, he struggled no more and let it go.

As he opened his eyes, he found himself falling through a tunnel of darkness. Rather than being scary he felt having a pleasantness beyond words. He kept falling for what seemed like hours, suddenly he saw a bright light at the end of the tunnel and found himself merging with it.

He was now what looked like a grassland. Songs of little birds, a beautiful fragrance, a waterfall; it looked like a perfect place for him.

"Welcome back son, you have done very well!" He suddenly saw someone walking towards him. The person looked like a 70 year old, with a huge white beard. He is wearing a long silver robe. The person hugged him and looked into his eyes with compassion.

"Where am I?" He asked that person.

"Son, you are in the other world, the world beyond the one you came from" He replied.

"Is this something like heaven? and who are you?"

"hmm, You can say so. I am your eternal friend and am usually called as Albus".

"This place is designed to make the transition into this world easier for you. Rest here today, I will come back tomorrow and we will go for your judgement.", saying this Albus left him.

Immersed in the beauty of the land, he wandered for sometime and rested near the waterfall.

Albus came to him at dawn next day.

"Son, I now take you to the judgement hall, I would wait outside till you return back."

They walked silently for few minutes and as they reached the place, Albus left him.

He entered something that looked like a big hall. Everything inside the hall was well crafted.

"Son, you can come and sit here", he suddenly saw that there are few people waiting for him. There are 13 of them sitting on circularly arranged chairs. It looked like people from every race of the world are present among them.

As he sat, he found there is a silvery sphere in the middle of the arrangement.
"Lets start your life review." the eldest of all, a 90 year old spoke.

The silver sphere started showing his life from the moment of his first breath. Everyone was silent and were immersed in what looked like an biographical movie. They were smiling for every good deed he did, gave him a you can do it a little better look for his mistakes and as the end approached, he found that they were having tears for the suffering he went through with the loss of his love.

As it ended, he saw his own life from various perspectives. He found several situations where he must have done differently.

"You can leave now," one of them spoke to him.

"Thats it?" "what about the judgement?", he asked.

"Son, we don't judge you here, we show you your life from various perspectives so that it helps you when you design your next life." the eldest one replied.

"Do I design my life?" he asked.

"Yes"

"Will I ever meet Maaya again?" he asked.

"This is very strange even for us. As souls incarnate on earth, few souls get attached to each other and prefer to have experiences together. You have to repeat the same life plan again and strangely Maaya wished to be born again as your love even after being aware of the pain she has to go through.There are very few souls who always desire to be destined together, You and Maya are one among them. Your love sometimes gives us tears!" the eldest one replied.

"Albus is waiting for you outside" one of them told him.

As he stepped outside, he approached Albus and asked him, "Why do I have to go through same life plan again?"

With a sudden seriousness Albus told him,

"If you know how much effort it takes to design a life,
If you know how much effort it takes to select the right parents for a soul,
If you know how much suffering a suicide causes to the people who love you,
If you know how many different life plans are disturbed,
YOU WOULD REALIZE HOW GRAVE A MISTAKE SUICIDE IS!"

"Once a soul endes life abruptly with suicide the soul has to go back to live through the same life plan with a little bit added difficulty" Albus told him

"Why the added difficulty", he asked

"Because of the suffering you have caused to the people by your suicide. Son, If you have lived through Maaya's absence for some more time you would have realized your purpose and made your love known as the driving force for the grandeur things you have designed to fulfill." Albus replied.

"I wanted to go back as soon as possible and this time I would fulfill the design" he said.

Albus with a smile replied,"People who commit suicide generally are eager to leave early, but your soul needs some rest. Before we go to your rest place I would love to give you a surprise."

As they walked few more feet, they entered what looked like a garden.

"I will wait outside and you have only 10 minutes" Albus told him.

He entered the garden wondering what surprise he is going to encounter.

"Maaya?" He uttered these words as he saw her watering a plant.

She came running to him. He invited her with open arms, and as she reached him, He felt it! "A moment of no time. A complete merging into joy beyond words" He would gladly exchange many lifetimes for one moment of this.

With a smile Maaya held his hand and told him, "This is my rest place, since I love to be with plants this place is designed for me. I was told that you were coming and was actually waiting for you. I came to know the suffering you had to go through because of my death."

"What about my last wish? Huh, you have broke it" she gave that mysterious angry look which always brings a smile to him and encourages him to tease her more.

Both of them walked the place holding their hands together. Both of them know they don't need words to communicate, all they need is the presence of each other.

Suddenly she sensed that its time that he has to leave.

"You have to leave now" she told him.

"Why did you wish to go through the same painful experience again?" he asked her.

Holding his head with her hands, she kissed on his forehead and told him, "Because I love you."

As he was moving away from her he thought to himself,"This time I would fulfill my design, this time I would live through the suffering of your absence with courage."

Looking back into her eyes one last time he told himself, "I would also tell my story to the people and let them know suicide is never a solution whatever the reason may be."

PS:

Mayaa.......

Is this my story?

You would never know!

The bottom line is "Never commit suicide whatever the reason may be."

Hemanth and Tejaswini

Friends, this is gonna be my second post of bloody fools in my life series. The first one being the "silent, the stupid and the superb"

"You go and give this box to the aunt in the third house from ours, they are newcomers in our neighborhood", mom told me.

I don't remember how old I am then. May be around 8 or 9.

"She says they are newbies and when the heck she became friends with them and what the hell is this box thing!" I thought to myself.

"Mom! why do you always send me, send bobby(my young brother) now, please!", I said in rather convincing tone.

Who is she?

She know how to manage me. "There are two kids in the house approximately of your age", she gave a simple reply, dats it.

"Wow!! Let me go check them, then i can decide whether to play with them or not," with this thought in my mind I told her," Ok Mom! give me that box,"

I used the door bell and a small kid opened the door.

Wait, he is not a small kid, he is of my age.

I was invited inside and I handled the box to him. He went inside and brought back his mom.

There she is, one of the best person who has great influence on us (me and bro). She talked for sometime but I am not listening anything. I am observing that guy(the kid) and huge mental thought processing happening whether to be friends with him or not.

Aunt went inside to care of some work and I was left with the kid. He introduced himself as Hemanth. I discovered that he is one class below me and is in a different school.

Do you know how to play chess? hemanth asked me.

No, I replied.

mmm okay, i have chess pawns but i don't have the board, do you have one?

No, is my reply again. Infact there is one in my house but I dont know, i never thought about it before.

hmm, looks like you don't how to play it. You know it's very interesting, I would teach you.

Ok, I said. I am not good with words in my childhood, I would talk very very less till I am comfortable with a person.

Hemanth drew some lines on the floor of his house. Here we go! lets start playing it.

He categorized things into different sects and taught me different moves. Being an active mental processor I grasped it easily.

Suddenly i remembered that it's lunch time.

I said goodbye and reached home. I told dad that i just learnt chess. He opened a wooden board and taught me some more.

I took the chess board to Hemanth next day and we started playing. On the same day I was introduced to Hemanth's sister Teja and I introduced my brother to them.

A gang formed!!

Everyday as soon we return from school we would meet in hemanth's house do home work together and play together. Weekends are all play and play. Aunt would teach us few slokas, songs and tell us stories. She is a very patient lady and would always be telling us some good things and making us laugh. Many times its a competition amongst us that who would learn a particular song faster.

One of the best memories is "many times Brother and I would have dinner in Hemanth's home. Aunt would mix the rice, curry in a single plate and feed us all; at the same time tells u many things/stories." I think our mothers' figured it out that we are eating properly only when we are fed together.

I am the eldest (in terms of class, actually Hemanth and I are of same age) of the gang and any game we play I would make sure that I was the winner. Such an ambitious kid I was! I was also sort of gang leader solving any disputes among the gang members.

Hemanth, Teja, My Brother and I, ahh! what gang it is!!

Those were the best days in my life!! If I am not mistaken those were the best days in our lives!!

I still remember the day they moved into a different place. I was in sixth class and was very very sad and for the first time in my life I felt I was loosing something.

People I have to tell you something, I dont keep in touch with people once they move out of my life. It's due to some reason not me. I know it's not a good thing, but i am like that.

So, i rarely met them after that. But we always exchanged new year and birthday cards.

Now we are busy with our lives.

Hemanth has completed his Btech
Teja studying Btech in Bits Goa
My brother studying MBBS
Gopi writing this blog (and yeah also job in Deloitte...:P)

But we are always the best pals and the good old stupid kids who like only playing and playing!


PS:

I dont like when people come to me and ask whether the characters and the stories in my blog are real or fictitious.

Dear Friends, all the stories are true and all characters are alive and names are accurate. Whenever i copy some information from any source I always mention in my Post.

And for your information, you can find Hemanth and Teja in my blog followers.