When everything around me seemed dark, when I have nothing but unknown, unreasonable suffering...I was bestowed with a friend.
SP (unable to give full name..:( )!!
She is asking me "What to there to admire in me?"
What is there to admire in you?
The first thing that comes to my mind is, You made me share things about me (personal, prefessional, aspirations, dreamzz and list goes on...). I don't usually share things about me but you extracted so much information. I am damn sure no one in office know more about me than you. So the first thing in the list is your Himalayan patience!
When I am in the peak of suffering, I used to feel the need to talk to someone. Talk something normal with someone and you are always there, irrespective of the time or topic I am talking about. The next thing comes here, "The value you give to friendship"
I am an expert in two things (atleast till few days back)...one being my inability to understand girls and the other my expertise in hurting people. No matter how much I irritated you, how much I may have hurt you (remember the birthday day thing at office??..:P) You are the first person who would come to me and talk. This shows how much considerate you are...!!
and hmmm....the list goes on and on....!!!
Dear readers, I asked her 10 mins time when she asked me something..Its already past 10 minutes, so I have to end this post....
And in the presence of my blog and all visible and invisible readers I pronounce SP as a good and one of the best friends to me...!!!
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
What else??
Note:
A friend mailed me yesterday and asked, "what happened after the incident of your previous post?"
Being the eldest of all the cousins I got a chance to observe, learn and even impact their nature and nurture. This interest combined with the struggle described below gave me a vision. And
I payed my examination fee with some late fine.
Coming to the current topic
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
January 1st 20011.
I told myself, "2011 is the best year of my life!"
The first three months I suffered mentally and emotionally.
Ahh...!!! The pain and suffering of the first three months. This is one of the most memorable phases of my life!! I wish no one has to undergo this.
Fourth month passed with lot of confusion. Many things happened and I lost track of the events happening around me.
Fifth month came and I thought, "There can't be more worse and now 2011 is going to show the good side of it. "
One fine day I was on my way to office and told myself,"All not so good looking things ended."
Blank
As ppl surrounded me, I discovered I just had an accident!!
I still am not completely out of its impact!! and it gave me its share of suffering..:)
There r good things too
The mental suffering led me to the best teacher in the world.
The emotional suffering made me more loving.(I am more of a detachment extremist before)
I still am not sure about the accident. A good guess would be, "Its asking me to slow down."
After all this..I wonder, "What else 2011, the best year of my life is planning for me? and why can't things be taught to me without suffering."
The best year of my life caused me more suffering than any other year and there are seven more months..!!
PS:
I don't like people whom I like...:P They pull me into not preferred things.
I joined a group, I worked for it. I discovered I am not made for it. I understood that people there started liking me and I decided not to answer any phone calls to avoid them. But,
Pdh (I am not giving full name), I liked you the first time I met you. may be because you think like me. I don't want to be in the group but when you called me yesterday, I answered the call (which I don't want to do) and I agreed for the new project (which mainly involves both of us ). You are truly an anchor to me into the group and If you are reading this post, I am not made for this group and no hard feelings (I know your brother is the head of the group and I truly like him but I think the group is not for me )
A friend mailed me yesterday and asked, "what happened after the incident of your previous post?"
Being the eldest of all the cousins I got a chance to observe, learn and even impact their nature and nurture. This interest combined with the struggle described below gave me a vision. And
I payed my examination fee with some late fine.
Coming to the current topic
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
January 1st 20011.
I told myself, "2011 is the best year of my life!"
The first three months I suffered mentally and emotionally.
Ahh...!!! The pain and suffering of the first three months. This is one of the most memorable phases of my life!! I wish no one has to undergo this.
Fourth month passed with lot of confusion. Many things happened and I lost track of the events happening around me.
Fifth month came and I thought, "There can't be more worse and now 2011 is going to show the good side of it. "
One fine day I was on my way to office and told myself,"All not so good looking things ended."
Blank
As ppl surrounded me, I discovered I just had an accident!!
I still am not completely out of its impact!! and it gave me its share of suffering..:)
There r good things too
The mental suffering led me to the best teacher in the world.
The emotional suffering made me more loving.(I am more of a detachment extremist before)
I still am not sure about the accident. A good guess would be, "Its asking me to slow down."
After all this..I wonder, "What else 2011, the best year of my life is planning for me? and why can't things be taught to me without suffering."
The best year of my life caused me more suffering than any other year and there are seven more months..!!
PS:
I don't like people whom I like...:P They pull me into not preferred things.
I joined a group, I worked for it. I discovered I am not made for it. I understood that people there started liking me and I decided not to answer any phone calls to avoid them. But,
Pdh (I am not giving full name), I liked you the first time I met you. may be because you think like me. I don't want to be in the group but when you called me yesterday, I answered the call (which I don't want to do) and I agreed for the new project (which mainly involves both of us ). You are truly an anchor to me into the group and If you are reading this post, I am not made for this group and no hard feelings (I know your brother is the head of the group and I truly like him but I think the group is not for me )
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Destiny, where are you?
If the Scientist community invented a time machine and asked you to go to the places of your past, where would you go?
To your childhood days where there are only games and fun? or
To your school days and visit your first love, may be your school teacher or a classmate? Or
To your teenage where you felt yourself as top of the world?
Well, if I was given a chance there are few persons I would visit.
I would go back to my tenth class teachers and would ask them “You told me that if I got a good percentage in tenth, my life would be settled and I can relax. I secured very good percentage but as soon as I entered intermediate I had to study again” I would ask them why they lied.
Then I would go to my intermediate days and ask them, you said, “Secure a seat in good engineering college and you have reached your destination, but as I entered engineering I had to start studying again.”
And then I would go to my engineering professors and so on..
Did they cheat us? I honestly don’t think so; if they haven’t told us like that we would have never strived to excel in our younger days.
But I always wondered when can I relax thinking that I have finally reached? Where is my destiny? How will it be revealed to me?
Some say your destiny is where you find happiness, satisfaction etc
But I find them in many things, how to finalize one among them?
Fortunately life gave me a clue.
It was the year 2009. I was in my BTech 3rd year. Our classes end at 3:30 pm and as the class of that day ended, one of my classmates came to me and asked, “Gopi, have you paid the semester examination fee? Today is the last day.”
Then it came to me that I forgot to pay examination fee. Now I have a challenging task before me. The time is 3:30 pm and the bank in our campus will be closed by 4 pm and the highlight, I have no money!
I have to go to an ATM, draw the money, come back to the campus and pay the fee in the bank and all of this has to happen in ½ hour. The ATM is just two blocks away from our college. I thought I can manage even if I go on foot. So I started walking. On the way I entered a busy street and its then something happened.
I saw two boys playing with an old car tire. They are rolling the tire on the road and running along with it. This is a pretty common scene. But there is a third boy.
This one is different. You would recognize it as soon as you saw him. Society calls him “mentally challenged”. He is running behind those two boys and also maintaining some distance from them. Having a chance to enjoy with them at least from a distance overwhelmed him with such joy that he put his entire tiny hand into his mouth and is biting it hard. He is jumping, shouting, laughing and is doing all these things at the same time.
Time passed. It just passed. I lost track of time. It was such an innocent, pure, joyful moment!
By the time I became conscious of myself, I realized that I am standing in the middle of the street and I don’t know how much time has passed. I was just present!
There is never such a moment in my life! Neither had it happened before nor even after that. I witnessed something that made me joyful without any reason. Is it innocence of the moment? Is it the celebration involved in that moment? Is it the simplicity of the moment?
I think it has everything and that child told me where my destiny is! I started being more close to children and teens. I started observing how nature and nurture interplay and shape their character. I realized making them happy is what made me happy. It also became clear to me that destiny is not a place where I have to reach, rather it’s a journey.
At last I found the direction of my journey.
And yeah, forgot to mention, I missed the last date of paying my examination fee...:D
To your childhood days where there are only games and fun? or
To your school days and visit your first love, may be your school teacher or a classmate? Or
To your teenage where you felt yourself as top of the world?
Well, if I was given a chance there are few persons I would visit.
I would go back to my tenth class teachers and would ask them “You told me that if I got a good percentage in tenth, my life would be settled and I can relax. I secured very good percentage but as soon as I entered intermediate I had to study again” I would ask them why they lied.
Then I would go to my intermediate days and ask them, you said, “Secure a seat in good engineering college and you have reached your destination, but as I entered engineering I had to start studying again.”
And then I would go to my engineering professors and so on..
Did they cheat us? I honestly don’t think so; if they haven’t told us like that we would have never strived to excel in our younger days.
But I always wondered when can I relax thinking that I have finally reached? Where is my destiny? How will it be revealed to me?
Some say your destiny is where you find happiness, satisfaction etc
But I find them in many things, how to finalize one among them?
Fortunately life gave me a clue.
It was the year 2009. I was in my BTech 3rd year. Our classes end at 3:30 pm and as the class of that day ended, one of my classmates came to me and asked, “Gopi, have you paid the semester examination fee? Today is the last day.”
Then it came to me that I forgot to pay examination fee. Now I have a challenging task before me. The time is 3:30 pm and the bank in our campus will be closed by 4 pm and the highlight, I have no money!
I have to go to an ATM, draw the money, come back to the campus and pay the fee in the bank and all of this has to happen in ½ hour. The ATM is just two blocks away from our college. I thought I can manage even if I go on foot. So I started walking. On the way I entered a busy street and its then something happened.
I saw two boys playing with an old car tire. They are rolling the tire on the road and running along with it. This is a pretty common scene. But there is a third boy.
This one is different. You would recognize it as soon as you saw him. Society calls him “mentally challenged”. He is running behind those two boys and also maintaining some distance from them. Having a chance to enjoy with them at least from a distance overwhelmed him with such joy that he put his entire tiny hand into his mouth and is biting it hard. He is jumping, shouting, laughing and is doing all these things at the same time.
Time passed. It just passed. I lost track of time. It was such an innocent, pure, joyful moment!
By the time I became conscious of myself, I realized that I am standing in the middle of the street and I don’t know how much time has passed. I was just present!
There is never such a moment in my life! Neither had it happened before nor even after that. I witnessed something that made me joyful without any reason. Is it innocence of the moment? Is it the celebration involved in that moment? Is it the simplicity of the moment?
I think it has everything and that child told me where my destiny is! I started being more close to children and teens. I started observing how nature and nurture interplay and shape their character. I realized making them happy is what made me happy. It also became clear to me that destiny is not a place where I have to reach, rather it’s a journey.
At last I found the direction of my journey.
And yeah, forgot to mention, I missed the last date of paying my examination fee...:D
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Childishness? no more!
I am overly childish, overly mature....:P
I know I made a contradictory statement here...:)
People who know me from a distance think I am humorous. People who know me a little bit more think I am childish and the closest ones that i am overly mature.
What am I then?
Well, it's obvious that the closest ones are correct. But why am I having different self-images, especially contradictory ones?
This is my blog, and let me be truthful here.
I have never met any person of my age who is as mature as me, It scared me. if I am myself people may not accept me. This is the constant thought in my head. So the childish image is all artificial, all made up, good acting skills i think...;)
This image is so hard to get rid of now. I have a sense of humor and the challenge is to get rid of this childishness without loosing humor. I failed to achieve it till now. I cannot afford loosing humor, which saved me many times from insanity...:P
This time I think I am achieving it..(atleast i think so..:P)
And the voice inside my head says, "Childishness? no more!!"
I know I made a contradictory statement here...:)
People who know me from a distance think I am humorous. People who know me a little bit more think I am childish and the closest ones that i am overly mature.
What am I then?
Well, it's obvious that the closest ones are correct. But why am I having different self-images, especially contradictory ones?
This is my blog, and let me be truthful here.
I have never met any person of my age who is as mature as me, It scared me. if I am myself people may not accept me. This is the constant thought in my head. So the childish image is all artificial, all made up, good acting skills i think...;)
This image is so hard to get rid of now. I have a sense of humor and the challenge is to get rid of this childishness without loosing humor. I failed to achieve it till now. I cannot afford loosing humor, which saved me many times from insanity...:P
This time I think I am achieving it..(atleast i think so..:P)
And the voice inside my head says, "Childishness? no more!!"
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Tempation, aspiration and the thin line in between
Friends.. I am not going to share my dream with you..:P
so why the hell am I writing this post?
I am walking on a thin line one side which is aspiration and other side temptation. Few days I live on of the either sides and few days in the middle.
Aspiration says, "Live the life you are born to live, It may look unreasonable, unpredictable, but as you go on the puzzles gets solved by itself. Don't you dare waste one more life time!"
Temptation says, "Dude, enjoy man, you have many things and can have anything you want. Don't go on running for something that looks unreasonable, unpredictable. Bro, everyone feels same like you at this age, having some dream , vision blah blah, just forget it and chill man! Can't you see how much you can enjoy your life?? Don't you dare screw this up!"
And what happens when i am on the thin line between them?
Well, I write my blog...:P
It looks very confusing, one side a dream much much larger than you..which demands striving and the other side a life of enjoyment. What will you choose. Both are equally pulling and yeah you have to choose only one.
Advise me.
Whatever!!
I believe, "We are not born here to live for few years and drag our life until death."
but
My dream is so big...!! Sometimes I wonder "Is one life enough for this?? Can I do this?? May be it's just wishful thinking...etc etc. I wish, if not me, at least someone catches my vision!"
:( :( :( :(
so why the hell am I writing this post?
I am walking on a thin line one side which is aspiration and other side temptation. Few days I live on of the either sides and few days in the middle.
Aspiration says, "Live the life you are born to live, It may look unreasonable, unpredictable, but as you go on the puzzles gets solved by itself. Don't you dare waste one more life time!"
Temptation says, "Dude, enjoy man, you have many things and can have anything you want. Don't go on running for something that looks unreasonable, unpredictable. Bro, everyone feels same like you at this age, having some dream , vision blah blah, just forget it and chill man! Can't you see how much you can enjoy your life?? Don't you dare screw this up!"
And what happens when i am on the thin line between them?
Well, I write my blog...:P
It looks very confusing, one side a dream much much larger than you..which demands striving and the other side a life of enjoyment. What will you choose. Both are equally pulling and yeah you have to choose only one.
Advise me.
Whatever!!
I believe, "We are not born here to live for few years and drag our life until death."
but
My dream is so big...!! Sometimes I wonder "Is one life enough for this?? Can I do this?? May be it's just wishful thinking...etc etc. I wish, if not me, at least someone catches my vision!"
:( :( :( :(
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