Whom to blame?

As the cries of pain woke me up.....

Before I continue the above sentence, I would like to tell you an incident from my life.

When I was a little boy, one day, I witnessed killing of a hen. I cried, shouted, protested against it. Mom tried controlling me but in vain.

"This is the chicken curry that you so fondly eat!" she told. I received a shock and stopped crying for a moment. "But, don't kill it, ", I continued protesting.

"If anything is suffering and you cry for it, God will punish you!", she told.

This time I stopped crying. The fear of getting punished made me stop.

But what followed was the greatest shock in my life. The following day, I was served super tasty chicken in lunch. Even now, I clearly remember that day. With every bite of food, I was controlling tears, I was thinking, "Is this a hen I am eating?" "What should I do now?". I was so young, that I don't know there can be any other alternative.

Perhaps that's the day when the seed is sown which turned me into vegetarian as I grew up. Why am telling this story, because I thought every child is sensitive as I was!

Now let's go back to the starting line.

Last week one fine day at 8:00 am.

Cries of pain from a puppy (stray) woke me up. It is common that you witness stray dogs fighting, so i ignored it first but as the cry continued I went onto road to check it.

I saw a house keeper(a 12- 13 year old) carrying her owner's kid, along with breakfast on a plate. She is kicking the puppy with her leg, ignoring it's cries and following it wherever it ran.

I immediately recollected that many young kids on the street are hurting these puppies, throwing rocks and sand. But  the house keeper doing it -it kind of surprised me and as usual angry too.

The puppy so small, may be few weeks old and so cute!

I went to the housekeeper and shouted, "What the hell are you doing?"

She got scared, and replied me "This kid said, he will eat one bite of breakfast , for one kick given to the puppy."

I looked at the kid, hardly 4-5 years and I don't know what to say.

I used to challenge people that children are like angels with fiery hearts and that grownups need to learn from them!

Here I see a child who is enjoying, demanding cruelty on a innocent puppy.

As i sacred both of them, i went to the puppy and I saw it, not a scratch or wound but a hole in its stomach and blood pouring down. Another person and I did some first aid, but the puppy was unable to withstand it, it soon ran away searching for it's mother. And with such a wound, i doubt it's survival and even it survives I don't think it gets out of it's impact. Entire day, I was disturbed and was unable to get out of it.

What made a kid, so young, enjoy cries and pain of some other innocent creature? Whom to blame?

May be all the violence they witness in movies
or
video games where successfully killing an animal makes u win it
or
bloody images they witness in their day to day life
or
something else!!

What can the solution be?
Right education?
or
Can parents do something?
or
Do they need to go through life and learn themselves?


and may be, it's time we realize this and take the necessary steps, because....

Every child with right guidance and nurturing is destined to greatness!

Freedom

As the news came that a new viceroy family is coming to the estate, Shakunthala got the entire house cleaned, furniture setup and decorations made. Shakunthala was the maid and cook for the viceroy families from the past 5 years. Her husband works as the watchman and gardener. They have a 7 year old boy named Ramu. Since they were needed in the estate all the time, they were allowed to live within the estate but in a far end. This is the best living the family could get being untouchables.

Next day, the viceroy family arrived along with several relatives. Shakunthala had the busiest of the days with all the chores to be taken care of. In two weeks, the relatives left the house which now has only Viceroy family : The Viceroy, his mistress and their young daughter.

Being a untouchable, Shakunthala was allowed to enter only the kitchen and from the back door only. Within few days, she understood that the new mistress is a good person. The new mistress had no restrictions, never bothered about the untouchablility of her servants and she event sent sweets to Ramu regualarly.

Ramu stays alone in his house. He never had the fortune to go to school or play with other kids, and he never understood why he is a untouchable.

One day he heard a girl's voice nearby. Though he was not allowed, his curiosity made him search for the source. Under the shade of a tree he saw a beautiful girl singing and playing with her doll. To his eyes, she looked like an angel. Her skin, white colored; her eyes, blue; her dress, the finest of the fiber, confirmed it.

She saw him approaching towards her and her eyes widened with a curiosity that she might get a playmate. In minutes, Ramu and Jessy became friends.

With the permission of her mother, Jessy invited Ramu to their house. The huge walls, beautifully craven wooden furniture, paintings hanging on walls, it looked like a new world to him. Day after day the visits to the house became regular and he started enjoying his new freedom. Everyday both the children would play for few hours and study together. Jessy became more than Ramu's friend,  she became his teacher.

A year passed.

1947 August 14 midnight, huge sounds woke Ramu from sleep. He went running to see what it is and all he could see is everyone dancing, shouting and firing crackers. He went to an old man and asked him , "Dadaji, what happened?"

"We got freedom beta ", he replied.

Ramu never heard about this word and asked, "What is freedom?"

"Freedom means you will always be happy, like everyone now is, look around beta, everyone is celebrating, this is freedom!" Dadaji replied.

The next day morning he went running to Jessy to tell her that they got freedom and they always be happy and celebrating. As he entered the house, he observed that all servants are busy packing things. He went to Jessy's room, and asked her "Are you going to a tour?"

"Mother said we are going to home", she replied.

"But this is your home, our home, here we live! we also got freedom and you know, we can always celebrate! " he replied.

But she did not show any excitement. He sat beside her and asked, "Can i also come with you?"

"Mom said you cannot come, here is your home."

With tears in his eyes he gave her a tight hug, wishing time stops at that moment.

Viceroy's family left the estate which was now occupied by a zamindari family. In few days, Shakunthala understood that the new family is particular about untouchables and they don't want them entering the house except Kitchen.

Ramu heard that a new family came to the house. His mother warned him that the old rules are back for him and that he should stay inside their house only. Thinking that his mother told the same when the previous family came, he decided to pay a visit to the new family.

He entered the house and saw the new mistress. "Good morning madam!", he greeted her. The new mistress, quite impressed by this, called him near her and asked, "Who are you ?".

"I am Shakunthala's son ", he replied

Mistress's eyes became wide with anger and she went to the kitchen shouting, "Shakunthala!!"

"How dare your son enter my house, have you never taught him any manners? Have you never told him that he is an untouchable, that he belongs to the lowest of the human beings?" she started shouting at Shakunthala.

Shakunthala asked the mistress to forgive him, that he is just a kid and he got used to the house because of the previous family.

The mistress, outraged by the sin committed by Ramu, picked up a wooden stick and started beating him.

With each touch of the stick feeling like fire, he is shocked that even his mother is not stopping the mistress. Ramu closed his eyes. Tears flowing out, and pain all over the body, he remembered Jessy, her eyes, her smile.

It was midnight, and 6 hours passed before Ramu became conscious. He tried opening his eyes but he was unable to, he tried moving his body but he could not feel anything except pain. A few minutes passed and he felt that his mother is holding his hand, a touch which he can always recognize.

"Mother?" he tried calling but felt that his voice was not coming out.

He tried another time and succeeded to let it out with a feeble voice.

Shakunthala realized that her son finally came back to consciousness. "Yes son", she replied.

"Dadaji told me that everyone got freedom but why did not I get it?" He asked.

With tears flowing down her cheeks, Shakunthala held his hand tight and kissed on his forehead.

When people scold you..............

We were standing in a row...and i was standing back of one of my classmates, a girl with whom i used to fight like anything. Unfortunately i don't remember her name. We were standing in a row for some reason and as usual we started fighting. As a teacher came near, that girl put a sad face (a common girl's trick) and complained "Gopi is scolding me!"

I was shocked!

I replied with much more innocence that I did not do anything.

But she complained again to the teacher and teacher started giving me some doubtful looks!!

I was all shocked and after the teacher left us, i shouted at her for lying! Now, she almost broke into tears...:D

Now the joke is, I thought scolding means beating (i was very young that time), so when she complained to the teacher, I thought that i never beat her and so was shocked. The word "scold" erupts this memory from my memory bank but the real roots lie way back in the past.

I used to have difficulty pronouncing the letter "R".  One day my cousin sister told my Mom that she will teach me how to pronounce it properly. She made me sit in a chair and sat opposite to me with a stick in her hand. She started making me pronounce many R-words and for every wrong pronunciation she would scold me and  give me a kiss with that stick on my hand. (poetic...:P)

After some time passed, i started crying (i was very very young, probably 8 or 9) and I shouted at her, "No one of my cousins scolds me, which makes you the worst among all my cousins!!"

She was shocked! A young guy like me using such words, she told me "Only people who truly love you can truly scold you"

At that age, i did not understand it, obviously at that age people who scold us are villains in our life. But it stayed in my mind as an unanswered question and only after years of observation i understood it.

If we observe, we can see that when we win, accomplish something, many people congratulate us, praise us, party with us and laugh with us....

But

When we are being stupid, messing up with life, only and only few people would scold us.

and this can be a good way to spot the real friends.

When people scold you..."it can be an opportunity to identify people who really love and care for you."

PS : This article is not intended to encourage people to scold each other....and mind it...I might not like it when you always try to scold me....:P

Closed Door

Before I go into details about the title, let me tell you an incident. This incident comes to my mind whenever i think about a closed door.

This happened way back, at certain age when I don't know how old I am! Less than a year may be. Mom and I were alone in the house. The house was locked from inside and mom was inside a room. I can see a great horror in my mom's eyes whenever she narrates the event. I, the chotu Gopi, locked her room from outside and sat on the floor and started crying!

Haha...You can imagine! Mom so painstakingly tried to give me instructions to me from inside the locked room. I  am a stupid now only, imagine a one year old me! :D

Anyways after few hours, i finally freed her! And this incident became a sweet (rather horrific) memory to my mom and to me it's a reminder of how idiotic I was (am!).

I am in many ways a closed door. Even people who think know me, don't know much about me. There is always another closed door to be explored, always!

It has always been difficult for me to share about things about myself and to trust.

Why?

I gave it a thought too, and I must say I am not sure. The best reason I can come out with is "May be because of few experiences I had."

When people always try to change you, tell you to be like everyone else, always try to change you rather leave to be yourself....as you grow up, you become smart enough to conceal the real you and give people the version they wanted and after few years as you look back you end up thinking no one really understands you, where as the real problem you is not being yourself. This is precisely my story too.

Few months back, i realized this and i told myself that I would open up. I would let the person inside me to come out, but what to do? I cannot go to everyone saying this is not me, the real me is somewhere inside me! (and horrify them! :P)

Pretty confusing huh?

So i came up with an innovative idea and guess what, this blog took birth!

Yeah, this is the place where I be myself 100%. I can open up, be my real version, tell my opinions and don't have to worry if I may not fit in or my view of life is different. This blog, right here, helped me a lot to open the closed door (a little of course) and I am no more sacred to myself! :) (I have my set of fears too!)

Pretty honestly i am trying to open up and it takes some time. (so much time actually!).

Still me is me, and no matter how much you think you know me, you don't know me. :P

Then why am I telling all this?

Well, if you think I am not opening up according to your expectations, know that it is my natural tendency. That it takes some time for me, that it doesnot mean I am trying to neglect you.

Next time, Don't just knock the door, BANG IT! If once you are able to navigate the inner chambers, you wont be disappointed! (I can assure this)

My teacher

We all are sailors travelling back,

back to the place where we came from.

The sail, sometimes stormy, sometimes smooth,

sometimes lonely, sometimes with fellas.

There comes a time in the sailors life,

when he gets the courage to inquire,

about his nature, life and the sail.

Fueled by his courage, his passion sustains and makes him ready,

thus a student is born.

When the student is ready, the teacher appears;

marking the beginning of an eternal companionship, 

where each fulfills the other.

The above few words (which i am doubtful what to call, a passage? a poem? ) explains it all. This applies to everyone, "when the student is ready, the teacher appears".

There is an old saying,  "God created man and woman because he loves stories." Every man and woman has a story to tell, not just one story, but  many stories that are interwoven and form their life. Here comes my story about my teacher.

Two and half years back, one fine day I met him. I heard he read thousands of books, "let me see him once, i thought". On the very first day, in that small group of people, he came to me, looked into my eye and told me "I liked your dedication, keep it up!" That struck a chord. I knew I am serious about the mystery of life as a whole but no one ever pointed me that it can be called dedication.

I started visiting him. I would go to his house, sit there, right in front of him and would ask questions. I would decide to ask few, but as I start asking him, each answers of his would give birth to another question and it goes on. I used to go to the deepest of things. This routine continued. I would call him, talk for an hour or visit him, stay few hours. Almost all conversations are Q and A format. He answered patiently, not for days, months but for 2 and 1/2 years. 

It's only in the beginning of the year 2011, I started to understand. It's in this same year I realized his true value. I never told him what a great teacher he is, not even till today. We kept journeying along without any titles. 

How lucky I am, to have met him! I went through some rough weathers which I think he too have gone through himself and may be thats one of the reasons he handled me the best way possible. 

He never would give me direct suggestions, never. He answered me and left me to take my own course of action. All along he was there as a guiding presence.

Some of his best word to me (which i think might help you too)....

• Don't try to figure out everything with just your mind.  Thinking wont solve everything, learn to use intuition
• You never get what you want, but what you need. Create a need first.
• Develop a holistic perspective. Take any thing and view it from a scientific, philosophic, spiritual, psychological perspectives. Be inclusive.
• There are causes and effects. Work on the causes and be detached from the outcome. Effects will be taken care themselves.
• Keep your head high in the sky and feet rooted in the ground.
• Don't bother about speed. Find your pace in  life.

The above just a few, there are many more.

All these years he answered me every time, never expected anything from me and I, not even once did anything for him. What can I do? What can match all the guidance he has been giving me all this time?

May be, one day when I am ready, I can find someone like me who wants answers and shall guide him.

But...

Will I have the patience and the grandeur vision to guide, nurture, answer someone all the time for two and half years and not expect anything at all?

Our dear ones

I wanted everything around me to be silent, I want to concentrate on what I am doing, but it's noisy and it disturbed my mood.

Just then I got a call from one of my dearest one.

I didn't talk properly, I was not responding the way I would generally. I am showing my bad mood.

He didn't say a word. He understood I think.

I ended the call with the same mood.

As I am alone in my room, my heart started talking. I have been developing heart qualities for a while now and I am happy to say that my heart plays a major role in my life.

You have to call back, he is your dearest one, don't be scared, heart told me.

So I called back, while I was listening to the caller tune, I was thinking how to start conversation, how to apologize.

As he picked up the phone, asked me, "What happened?"

I didn't talk properly so I called back, I told him.

He laughed and immediately started conversation.

20 mins and it all ended differently now and I am at peace. (My heart is!)

Many times we show our bad moods on dear ones, and it's very difficult to apologize after. Fortunately the best thing about our dear ones is they would understand us even before we apologize.

But do we really recognize their value in our life?

My dad sometimes says to me, "Many people realized the value and greatness of your grandfather only after he died."

This always stayed in my mind. It should not happen with me I told myself.

I have many dear ones in my life. The best family, friends, relatives, colleagues....

Dad would say, "Wherever you go, you always have a family, the perfect people, the perfect circumstances, i think you are the luckiest one."

Yes, I am very lucky, right from my childhood I was always with people who love me, who are always there for me.

Strange phenomenon is the more close a person becomes to me the more chance that I show my bad mood on him.

I am changing it now a days, with the help of my dearest 'heart'.

People, we many times take the dear ones in our life for granted and overlook their true value. It's not always easy to say a sorry, also it's better to prevent these situations than going for a cure.

I wish Gopi would face his bad mood next time with courage!

On a rainy day with a choco chip cookie

As I lazily opened my eyes after a short mid day sleep, i realized it's raining outside my window.

Rain!

I got up, opened my refrigerator, took out a choco chip cookie and went into the balcony.

With cookie in one hand and other hand stretched out to feel the tiny droplets of water, I went away...backwards...years back!

I was waiting for my brother and suddenly a thought came to me, "Its sunny now and if i ask the nature to rain, will it happen?"

Okie, let me try, I thought and asked for rain.

5 minutes passed and there it is!

Remembering this, unconsciously i wore a smile on face, the hand with cookie is empty now.

A 12 year old going by the road saw me and gave a smile.

Is it tea? I asked him.

Yes, he replied.

Do you sell it? I asked.

Yes sir, he replied.

hot chai and tiny droplets of rain, perfect! I thought.

Went down, bought the chai.

Wat do u do ? I asked the boy.

I do my own business, I sell tea to people around here. he replied.

A 12 year old entrepreneur! Vaah!!

Its after he left, I realized someone is shouting behind me.

Ricky!

He waits for few minutes to see if I am coming to him or not. If I dont go, he would bark, jump and do all the natak.

I freed him and let him play with me. He would jump, fight, chew my hand but at the end both of us are joyful playing like two 5 year old kids!

In few minutes,

I had rain for me,

a choco chip cookie,

Hot chai!

play with ricky! and yeah

opportunity to meet a 12 year old entrepreneur.

The more you grasp the little things of life, the more you realize how joyful life is!

It goes beyond what you can see!

It's just a small thing!

No one is recognizing me, then why bother doing this at all!

Small acts of kindness don't matter!

Life is full of unconnected events!

Have you ever had these kind of thoughts? The thoughts which say that you are a tiny fragment in this vast world, that the things you do are forgotten within no time or the value of things you do is the equivalent to the praise you get?

I used to have these things in me, but no more and in order to eliminate these from you, I would tell you a story.

A story of three persons, lets name them as person1, person2 and person3.

Person1

Person1 born and grew up in Asia, he witnessed holocaust in his early age, He learnt from many great sages, went to every Ashram of Asia. Then he went to USA. He dont know english much, but he has things to tell to the world, He learnt English.

His entire life he would wake at around 4 am in the morning and would start writing for few hours. He did that for many years and at the end there were totally 140 books!

He was unable to see that all his books got printed in his life time. After he died, his daughter took the job of printing his books and i think there are still many books to be printed.

Person2:

Person 2 is person who searches for knowledge, He went for organization to organization, Gurus to Gurus and satisfied no where. Even one of his close relative is a well known person in India. But he was not satisfied. He was frustrated!

One fine day he wrote an email to person1's daughter, saying that there is no where true wisdom available.

Person1's daughter sent him a parcel. A parcel full of her father's books worth more than 1 lakh as a gift to him. She told him to read those books.

Person 2 after reading his books, for the first in his life felt that he found a real master. He decided to let as many people as possible know about the existence of person1.

Person3

He is a young fellow, searching for true wisdom. Like our person2 he tried all possible places and methods.

Someone told him, "If your search is true, you will find it!"

His search is true, but he is not able to get what he want. He wants the path towards infinity!

He was frustrated, depressed, there are times when he would sleep at night, wishing that he wont wake up the next day!

and one fine day he met Person2 and got introduced to Person1's books.

and Abracadabra!!

Person3 is now a changed person, he now atleast see the path clearly!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Person1 is long dead, few decades back. He never thought about fame, nor money, nor recognition. He knew in future someone might be in need of true knowledge and he kept writing those books.

Imagine what would have happened to Person2 and 3 if the person1 didn't write those books.

Hats off to him, and for his vision.

People, many times we might think how we going to get fruits for our actions, and how soon we are going to get them!

But I would say, look centuries ahead and remember that even a small action done for the welfare of humanity lives forever. Even a small act of kindness lives forever!

You may not be alive to see it happen, you may be forgotten but the affect of your act goes on and on!

It goes beyond what you can see!!

Bro bro little bro

who is this??

Why mom is always with him?

Why dad pampers him more?

Where did he come from?

These are the thoughts in my head during the initial days..

You have to call him brother, people told me. But no one told me where he came from!

I am just 1 and half year old kid and how will I know?

Hmmmm

as days went by I got used to sharing everything, infact I had to!

I never liked it. Someone who always follows me and demands share in everything!

Horrible!

Wat can I do? No option!

and where did he come from? no one is telling me!!! :(

"Its not going to work this way," I decided one day and started competing with him. Trying to dominate. Attract parents attention and prove to them that i am the best!

Any game i made sure I was the winner.

We used to have coin boxes. The red one is mine and the blue one is his. We would occasionally count coins and I would make sure my box has more coins.

even in studies we were always near somewhere at top 20's :P

I was in 8th and he was in 6th.

and he got 1st rank!

Oh my god, he got first rank and the worst thing is parents are proud of him!

noo!!

This should not happen!

I studied hard the next few days and I secured first rank in the half yearly exams!

First time in my life! I still remember its jan 8th somewhere at 10:30 am and a friend came to me shouting that i got first rank!

From then both of us are toppers in our classes. He 1st or 2nd generally and i am at 5 or 6.

It all considerably leveled now, i thought.

I am in inter 2nd year and he is in 10th. In my house an entire shelf is filled with all the prizes he got and i have none :(

How can i level it?

So i thought , with good eamcet rank its a state wide achievement and studied hard, secured 118 rank. became sort of a hero those days in my family. My ego, sort of satisfied completely now.

Its year 2006, i came out of house and joined Btech.

Everything went on!

There came 2007, one of my fav years! many things happened in my life and in a way i am changed man.

Till then I tried to dominate him whenever i had a chance!

never let go of single chance!

But I loosened my grip. May be ego started dissolving. One thing is for sure, I started looking at him as an equal, a complete equal!

and he stopped this race too! we started being more like friends!

Ohh yeah, his eamcet rank!

state 36th ranker and that too in medicine. this time am not jealousy, proud, very proud!!

One thing is for sure, I love him!!

I am possessive about him, I dont like if someone or something hurts him!

whenever he did some mistake he would call me and talk to me. i would listen and would say "ok".

Now the funniest part is he would call me again and would ask, when i did a mistake y u r not scolding me? why u say just ok?

haha...!! and I would say "you are learning something from ur mistake, i don't have anything to say"

One funny thing happened today!

He was saving money for 5 months now itseems! he kept all money in his wallet and the highlight is he lost it!!

Haha....he saving!! I cannot even imagine and that too 5 months!!

When he told me this sad thing, i was laughing!! and he angrily asked me "You laughing at this??"

Okay! now no one can bring the lost money back, but see, I know him and he saved money?

Am I dreaming?..:P

When we go together to any family functions people would say to us "In no way you both look like brothers! you are like best friends"....:)

The moment i stopped trying to dominate him, the day i started giving him freedom, many things changed, he became friend to me, not just frnd much more (this is a lesson to many of u out there...:P)

I would end saying this!!

I have done many good things, did many good deeds just because he did them before them!

He is the first teacher, first friend and guide to me!!

Dear Bro, u have chosen this particular set of parents, that too knowing that i am gonna be your elder brother!

Wat a risk u have taken!!

hats off to you!! :D

PS : Can't praise him more and give rise to two horns out there....:P

In the pic, the first one from left is me and the middle is my bro!

Decisiveness and Perseverance

Note : After many days I am going to write about some stupidness of mine!

Decisiveness is the ability to see clearly through fog and arrive at a conclusion.

Perseverance is the ability to act on your decision no matter how many times you fail.

Having defined the terms lets go to the story.

I came across a group (cannot give name here) and after being cautious for many days, i thought its time to be active in the group and so I started involving in its activities.

Time went on and everyone started liking me but I thought with few changes the group can do miracles and I conveyed the same to the president of the group. He was impressed and we decided to implement our idea.

So far so good.

Tadaaa!!

I suddenly started getting few illuminations and realized this group is not the right one for me and so i decided to drop out. (our goal is same but our approached are different)

This is the decision I took.

But I started to involve in the group again. I told myself many reasons, I want to change the group, have to help someone, let me just keep in touch with them etc etc

This is where I started failing my decision.

Abracadabraa!!

I had very long discussion (partly argument ) with the president of the group. I tell how things have to be and he supports why the things are like they are and it went on and on. It continued till 5 am of saturday morning.

This is the stupid thing I did, just not failed my decision but failed it miserably!

I have to speak only that much necessary and never argue . This is what decided many days and I failed this too.

I lost energy, so much energy and was damn tired!

I tired all sorts of things to rejuvenate but nothing worked. I tried sleeping, relaxing, hanging out, movies, music, eating and nothing worked.

As the clock showed 10 pm on sunday night, I decided to keep my laziness aside and spend some time in nature.

In the silence of night, with cloudy sky above and surrounded by many plants/trees I spent 1 and half hour and

Zapaak!!

I am back!!

After two days of uneasiness I finally feel relaxed now.

One funny thing happened, as I looked above I saw clouds moving fast and suddenly there it is!

A star shaped cloud.

and A deer, nope three of them,

then a rabbit

and leopard and many more!!

Its like a jungle and they were moving fast. I forgot myself and laughed (a childish laugh grown ups would lose with age) and I loved it!!

Oh, I digressed. Let us come back.

So I failed my decision and had to suffer for two days (weekend man!!).

Now I again told myself, "No more involvement in the group whatever the voice inside my head might tell"

This is perseverance!

Friends, many times we take certain decisions and fail ourselves (very badly). We face the consequences and scold ourselves for the weakness. But remember if you start trying again, it means you are a courageous person.

And my experience says that there is no need to scold yourself no matter how badly you fail yourself. It means you have something unfinished and have to learn something over there (no arguments/unnecessary discussions is the lesson in my case).

And remember all that matters is whether you are trying again or not! (Perseverance my friends!)

Food and Me

Mom says, it used to be a great effort in my childhood days to make me eat. it all changed now i think..:P

Am not a glutton at all, but I love to have the best quality food in limited quantity. I never loved to eat so much quantity.

One best pals of mine are sweets!! Paternal grand father is a famous sweet maker back at home and its all sweets and sweets to me!!

Mom is the best cook in the world! Yeah i know many sons say this but its a proven fact that she is the best among all the family members.

In my childhood I used to be very particular about mom's food. Rather than particular i have to say I was very protective. I never liked anyone sharing my food. Its tasty and its mine!!

Then comes my maternal grandmother, an expert in non vegetarian. The queen of the spices. Ohh myy Godd!!! We all used to meet at her house every Sunday and almost 10-15 people used to eat together. We many times had to eat with literally glasses of water aside. Such a spicy food she used to make! but at the end its super tasty!Mom got skill from her mostly.

With such experts in family its a shock to everyone when I turned vegetarian.The best thing is Mom learnt many special veg dishes only after I turned vegetarian, Hahaa!! :D

5 years out of my hometown, I badly miss my home food. On the way I got used to eat whatever is available in whatever quality!

One of my good friends is my intermediate chemisty lecture (yeah, its true!) and he shifted to Hyderabad during my Btech. Sometimes he would invite me to his house and would feed me like anything. He and his wife would sit with me and make me eat like their own son. Wow!! A true family food and true sentiment (yeah, not my area at all :P)

But things look like changed in the past year. I eat many lunch boxes daily at office which gives me so much home food!!

Special thanks to

Srini's "Dal and Mango pickle" (pappu and avakayi)

to Vinoth's "sambar rice" (and few other rice items mixed with something, a tamilian style)

to KC's "Super duper Potato fry " (I would do anything for this!)

to Akhila's special lunch box (she is such an idiot, she gave me only few times!!)

to Kiran's "Majjiga charu" (She would call me in the morning and would tell me "Gopi I am bringing your favourite dish, dont have any breakfast today, you can eat double the quantity of lunch today! Such a superb person she is!!")

to A new friend who gave me her box one day with super duper sweet, super beans curry and mango pieces!!

Ohh yeah, forgot Giri's fryums (from cafetaria's daily Dawat..:D).

People, I am revealing a weakness of mine. Feed me once with some super tasty food and I am done!! once and all!

PS:

Special special thanks to KC and his mother. Had a good homely lunch in super home atmosphere on last sunday and the best part, his mother did that special potato fry for me!! (Guys! only for me!!), Isn't that super cool?!

PPS : I am hungry now!!

Mommy!! :(

Here comes another

Gopi, your blog is superb!!

But there are certain posts which are not understandable and they are worst and waste! few people told me this.

Haha, I know what they were referring to :)

The only purpose I write this blog is I want to open up!

I just want to make myself comfortable sharing things, After these many posts I think I have achieved that to certain extent. I also get that feel that someone is listening to what I am saying. Inorder this to continue I should give what people "can" read and unfortunately people seem to love sugar coated things.

So I came with this idea of starting another blog.

http://ajourneytowardsinfinity.blogspot.com/

I created it yesterday (my birth date :) ) and currently I decided to give access to it only on request basis. People this blog is going to contain hell lot of indigestible information (to many of you).

The blog you are reading now is my second blog. So it makes the new one third. My first blog is a full length story (a novel).

So here is the pattern

first blog(no access to anyone ...:P ) ----> a short novel (a stupid story written almost 4 years back).

Second blog (open to everyone) -----> The sugar coated one, helping me open up and yeah somewhat has my ego boosting elements (after all I am human and i sometimes boost my ego in the eyes of others)

Third blog (limited access)-------> No sugar coating, would have information about my findings(hopefully), true knowledge, and things of what i aspire to be.

It looks like the frequency of postings in this blog going to decrease..:)

The best Birthday Gift

Now its 1:20 am and everything around me got silenced, back to normality i can say!

Though I am half sleepy, I decided to write this post..for this post is worth it!

I have to justify the title, In the age of Ipads, Iphones, all other accessories (and many more), the gift I am talking about is a poem I just received and the coolest thing is, its about me..:)

Ohh man!! read it once, observe the wording and the flow. May be this is one of the best poem's written (majorly to me). If I ever have to write my autobiography, this poem does more than enough job.

I am going to paste it here as it is!! But before you start reading I have to warn you, if you feel any exaggeration on the way, that's writers imagination and remember I am always the same old Stupid Gopi..:P

Here it goes

July 21, 1989…..

When life wanted to show a completely different view,

a picture that was unique and very new,

Something that would help the others in turn too,

That was when the world was blessed with a gem, a gem was born and that is you… JJ

A one that was by himself, a very stubborn and a quiet one,

A thirsty one who has more questions to himself than anyone..

A warrior who keeps struggling in search of what he wanted,

A path he had chosen on which very few haunted…

Thinking in a broader sense is nothing new for him,

Giving the world what they needed is what he wished within.

No matter what happens he knew to hide his feelings behind that smile,

A smile that he showed to the world, no matter what he's ever done…

There are very few in this world who choose to be so,

And even more few who dare to dream at a larger scope.

Working towards it requires a lot of courage,

That's what life wants to show in its own mileage..

These are the free birds, different in their own way,

No one can stop them once they decide their way..

They free the others too and while doing so,

The other birds start thinking what they have never thought of before!

Such gems make the world feel very happy..

And when these are your special friends they make you feel very lucky!!!!

It gives pride in understanding such sparkling stars,

Stars that will always keep shining no matter what's going on there around!

And on this very special day, we wish this lucky one,

All the happiness that life has in store for one!

May your dream come true and may you keep doing what you always wish to do..

May you succeed in whatever you do and that's a humble wish for you J

May you be blessed with a very long life,

Filled with excellent health, prosperity and happiness as you continue your strive..

May this day bring you many special moments on its way,

A wonderful and unforgettable day, Gopi, wishing you A Very Happy Birthday!!

PS:

I am officially not allowed to say thank you to my friend! (hence i used the pic :P)

But wow, when you look at a poem which is written for you and about you, its a different thing!!

So I think everyone over here agrees that this is the best birthday gift one can get (you have to agree..:P).

Mom and Dad

Year 1989, Month July, Date 21, time xx:xx am, I took my first breath of this life , "hmm another incarnation and have to start again from the beginning", this is the most probable thought in my head that day i suppose...:P (Read my previous post titled "It all happened at that moment").

I used to feel like a odd man out from the day 1. I used to wonder why no one understands me. "Whats wrong with your son? he never talks much", this is the constant complete about me. I was always silent, or with plants, animals, birds, pets or anything that doesn't demand me to talk but gives me a space and freedom to just be.

I always used to wonder, "why did i select this set of parents" (yeah, we select our parents before we come here)

"I think I was found by my parents at the hospital", i used to tell my friends when i was around 5 years old.

haha...:P, even now, when I think about it, a big smile comes on my face.....sheer innocence of mine!

It doesn't mean that my parents are rude to me. Never!

Oh yeah, I used to be scared of my father at young age. They say even when i was very very young I used to start crying as soon as dad entered house. He was a Hitler to me those days...:D

Till 2006, my life went on and on, am least bothered abt anything, its all goodie at home and busy with studies. I remember how our family used to have dinner together every single day (even now), how we used to have good tasty food (mom is an expert among all relatives), I remember playing with Dogs at grandmothers house and remember Dad warning me not go near them. "Its not healthy being too much with them".

i remember how mom used to teach us things like "You should not tease people, whenever you go to any ones house you should not touch anything, etc etc"

Its in 2006, one day I had to take a long journey to some place and dad accompanied me. Its then I understood what he was. We talked for hours and hours like friends. I even read his diaries and saw a man in making. Till then he was Hitler and that one journey changed it all.

I saw who he was from inside.

Dad for some reason always used to look at me like an mature person and from that day we became friends.

Year 2007, Oh my god so much happened in this one year. I can write a separate blog post on this one year!

This year I started being myself once and for all. I am serious about something and I used to be completely involved in it. Parents realized that and used to try to keep me normal.

Whenever I go home, I used to have long discussions with Dad, which few times used to end up as arguments. We talk about things which I think no father-son does, "the bigger q's about life."

from 2007 to 2010 end this is the situation. Many times when we go to some family functions Dad would ask me to act normal.You see, telling ."Son! just act normal, dont be yourself!"

yeah, I used to have the same question, "why did i select this set of parents?"

There came the year!!

yeah the year!!

called 2011!!!

My god!, so many things happened in this year too, especially the first 4-5 months!

1.) I suffered a lot!

2.) I found my mentor, (actually even before 2011 but realized his value lately)

3.) I found a very special friend (Oyy my dear old man (god), I dont need anything else!)

4.) I found my answer!

The answer is my parents with their love, my upbringing, some of those arguments balanced me into normality..:) otherwise I would have been long ago lost!

I am not saying I am normal now..:P But yeah I realized many things during the initial months of this year and I sometimes felt so moved by the way how i was taken care of, all along by my parents.

I have a picture perfect family. It's all love and affection..:)

Dad's world has only two people, "Brother and me, not even mom and himself i think".

Mom's world has only three, "her husband and son's. "

as this is a public blog, I tried to give minimal possible information about my parents. Before I end, I have to say this,

Mom is a straight forward person (I inherited this from her). She always looks like a very very innocent woman to me. I sometimes tease Dad that he was lucky to get married to a woman like Sita. yeah! Mom rarely disagrees with Dad.

Dad has huge fan following. Anyone who meets him for the first time would definitely love him. He loves us to the extreme. He very patiently explains everything to us and yeah a bit good at giving rather long lectures...:D

recently one of my friend's met Dad and in his words "Gopi, even though its first meeting it felt like your dad is my family member. His simplicity, his way of talking impressed me so much. I decided to keep in touch with him forever."

this pretty much explains everything about him.

During one of my discussions with Dad, the topic went to the way people are living and I asked him, "You are living like everyone else, what did you achieve in your life?"

"I got You as my son" He replied.

Dad, i know its a huge responsibility and I would do my level best!

PS:

Along with Mom and Dad, one of the best gifts I had is my brother. I didn't mention much about him here. I know he reads my blog and

Dear Bobby (my brother), i would write an entire post about you soon, so stay tuned!

It ends here!

Once upon a time there lived a warrior.

A question arose in him and he needed an answer.

He told the world, "Rather than love, than money, than fame, than success, than faith, give me truth."

He know that truth sets him free.

He started a journey, searching for answers. He met many people, had lot of mind blowing experiences but was unable to lay his hands on what he was looking for.

He moved ahead, still unsure of whether the direction is right.

Its the climb that counts, he thought to himself.

He found a group of people. Finally this looks like a group that can accept me as myself. At least I can a bit of myself here, he thought.

He kept moving and moving, still unsure whether its the supposed path.

After four years, one day he got an illumination, a inch of clarity about the path he is supposed to tread.

But the hard fact is, he has to leave the group. The one of very few places where he felt home.

He had to make a decision, a hard one!

Fruit of 4 years of struggle one side and the group at the other.

He made his choice, he decided to be on his path, even its leaving the group, even its difficult to do.

Today, July the 16th at 5 am he made the move.

A hard to make move!

He told himself, "let the path of struggle end here and the path of striving and joy open up!"

Is it already 4 years?!

:)

At the end he is free and he is on his path, it's all that counts to him.

Maaya- A story of love.

As the darkness of the night blinded everything around him, he is alone, standing on the edge of a cliff. Looking at the river 100's of feet below, he thought "Its just one step from here, why am I scared?"

A cool breeze touched his face, made his scarf make waves in the air. This unwelcome guest took him somewhere.Maaya....

He still remember the first day he saw her, he felt as if she is the only presence in a group of people. He tried show his wit, "I don't care!" is her reply. Days passed and they became more than just good friends, to the extent that everyone envied their love.

Just when he felt everything was perfect, he discovered that Maaya was hiding something from him. Day by day he observed that she was becoming weaker and when the reason came to him it's more than sadness, than horror, than emptiness. Maaya was suffering from a terminal illness. Even under insurmountable pain she was always smiling and she hid that from him for 6 months now.

She now had only few days left.
As everything before him blurred, he came back to the present. His eyes now filled with tears he remembered her last words spoken just a day before, "Don't do anything stupid, I love you and will always be with you."

She said she would always be with me then why am i feeling this infinite emptiness around me not even before a day has passed without her.

"I am standing here alone for two hours now, unable to take one step, am i scared? Why should I be scared? After all a life without her is not worth living for me" with this thought, he closed his eyes, took a deep breath, stepped ahead.

After few seconds of free fall, he was thrust into icy cold water. He struggled in the water, grasping for one breath of air. Many pictures came into his mind, his childhood, his friends and that day, the day he met her, her eyes! As he saw her eyes in his mind, he struggled no more and let it go.

As he opened his eyes, he found himself falling through a tunnel of darkness. Rather than being scary he felt having a pleasantness beyond words. He kept falling for what seemed like hours, suddenly he saw a bright light at the end of the tunnel and found himself merging with it.

He was now what looked like a grassland. Songs of little birds, a beautiful fragrance, a waterfall; it looked like a perfect place for him.

"Welcome back son, you have done very well!" He suddenly saw someone walking towards him. The person looked like a 70 year old, with a huge white beard. He is wearing a long silver robe. The person hugged him and looked into his eyes with compassion.

"Where am I?" He asked that person.

"Son, you are in the other world, the world beyond the one you came from" He replied.

"Is this something like heaven? and who are you?"

"hmm, You can say so. I am your eternal friend and am usually called as Albus".

"This place is designed to make the transition into this world easier for you. Rest here today, I will come back tomorrow and we will go for your judgement.", saying this Albus left him.

Immersed in the beauty of the land, he wandered for sometime and rested near the waterfall.

Albus came to him at dawn next day.

"Son, I now take you to the judgement hall, I would wait outside till you return back."

They walked silently for few minutes and as they reached the place, Albus left him.

He entered something that looked like a big hall. Everything inside the hall was well crafted.

"Son, you can come and sit here", he suddenly saw that there are few people waiting for him. There are 13 of them sitting on circularly arranged chairs. It looked like people from every race of the world are present among them.

As he sat, he found there is a silvery sphere in the middle of the arrangement.
"Lets start your life review." the eldest of all, a 90 year old spoke.

The silver sphere started showing his life from the moment of his first breath. Everyone was silent and were immersed in what looked like an biographical movie. They were smiling for every good deed he did, gave him a you can do it a little better look for his mistakes and as the end approached, he found that they were having tears for the suffering he went through with the loss of his love.

As it ended, he saw his own life from various perspectives. He found several situations where he must have done differently.

"You can leave now," one of them spoke to him.

"Thats it?" "what about the judgement?", he asked.

"Son, we don't judge you here, we show you your life from various perspectives so that it helps you when you design your next life." the eldest one replied.

"Do I design my life?" he asked.

"Yes"

"Will I ever meet Maaya again?" he asked.

"This is very strange even for us. As souls incarnate on earth, few souls get attached to each other and prefer to have experiences together. You have to repeat the same life plan again and strangely Maaya wished to be born again as your love even after being aware of the pain she has to go through.There are very few souls who always desire to be destined together, You and Maya are one among them. Your love sometimes gives us tears!" the eldest one replied.

"Albus is waiting for you outside" one of them told him.

As he stepped outside, he approached Albus and asked him, "Why do I have to go through same life plan again?"

With a sudden seriousness Albus told him,

"If you know how much effort it takes to design a life,
If you know how much effort it takes to select the right parents for a soul,
If you know how much suffering a suicide causes to the people who love you,
If you know how many different life plans are disturbed,
YOU WOULD REALIZE HOW GRAVE A MISTAKE SUICIDE IS!"

"Once a soul endes life abruptly with suicide the soul has to go back to live through the same life plan with a little bit added difficulty" Albus told him

"Why the added difficulty", he asked

"Because of the suffering you have caused to the people by your suicide. Son, If you have lived through Maaya's absence for some more time you would have realized your purpose and made your love known as the driving force for the grandeur things you have designed to fulfill." Albus replied.

"I wanted to go back as soon as possible and this time I would fulfill the design" he said.

Albus with a smile replied,"People who commit suicide generally are eager to leave early, but your soul needs some rest. Before we go to your rest place I would love to give you a surprise."

As they walked few more feet, they entered what looked like a garden.

"I will wait outside and you have only 10 minutes" Albus told him.

He entered the garden wondering what surprise he is going to encounter.

"Maaya?" He uttered these words as he saw her watering a plant.

She came running to him. He invited her with open arms, and as she reached him, He felt it! "A moment of no time. A complete merging into joy beyond words" He would gladly exchange many lifetimes for one moment of this.

With a smile Maaya held his hand and told him, "This is my rest place, since I love to be with plants this place is designed for me. I was told that you were coming and was actually waiting for you. I came to know the suffering you had to go through because of my death."

"What about my last wish? Huh, you have broke it" she gave that mysterious angry look which always brings a smile to him and encourages him to tease her more.

Both of them walked the place holding their hands together. Both of them know they don't need words to communicate, all they need is the presence of each other.

Suddenly she sensed that its time that he has to leave.

"You have to leave now" she told him.

"Why did you wish to go through the same painful experience again?" he asked her.

Holding his head with her hands, she kissed on his forehead and told him, "Because I love you."

As he was moving away from her he thought to himself,"This time I would fulfill my design, this time I would live through the suffering of your absence with courage."

Looking back into her eyes one last time he told himself, "I would also tell my story to the people and let them know suicide is never a solution whatever the reason may be."

PS:

Mayaa.......

Is this my story?

You would never know!

The bottom line is "Never commit suicide whatever the reason may be."

Hemanth and Tejaswini

Friends, this is gonna be my second post of bloody fools in my life series. The first one being the "silent, the stupid and the superb"

"You go and give this box to the aunt in the third house from ours, they are newcomers in our neighborhood", mom told me.

I don't remember how old I am then. May be around 8 or 9.

"She says they are newbies and when the heck she became friends with them and what the hell is this box thing!" I thought to myself.

"Mom! why do you always send me, send bobby(my young brother) now, please!", I said in rather convincing tone.

Who is she?

She know how to manage me. "There are two kids in the house approximately of your age", she gave a simple reply, dats it.

"Wow!! Let me go check them, then i can decide whether to play with them or not," with this thought in my mind I told her," Ok Mom! give me that box,"

I used the door bell and a small kid opened the door.

Wait, he is not a small kid, he is of my age.

I was invited inside and I handled the box to him. He went inside and brought back his mom.

There she is, one of the best person who has great influence on us (me and bro). She talked for sometime but I am not listening anything. I am observing that guy(the kid) and huge mental thought processing happening whether to be friends with him or not.

Aunt went inside to care of some work and I was left with the kid. He introduced himself as Hemanth. I discovered that he is one class below me and is in a different school.

Do you know how to play chess? hemanth asked me.

No, I replied.

mmm okay, i have chess pawns but i don't have the board, do you have one?

No, is my reply again. Infact there is one in my house but I dont know, i never thought about it before.

hmm, looks like you don't how to play it. You know it's very interesting, I would teach you.

Ok, I said. I am not good with words in my childhood, I would talk very very less till I am comfortable with a person.

Hemanth drew some lines on the floor of his house. Here we go! lets start playing it.

He categorized things into different sects and taught me different moves. Being an active mental processor I grasped it easily.

Suddenly i remembered that it's lunch time.

I said goodbye and reached home. I told dad that i just learnt chess. He opened a wooden board and taught me some more.

I took the chess board to Hemanth next day and we started playing. On the same day I was introduced to Hemanth's sister Teja and I introduced my brother to them.

A gang formed!!

Everyday as soon we return from school we would meet in hemanth's house do home work together and play together. Weekends are all play and play. Aunt would teach us few slokas, songs and tell us stories. She is a very patient lady and would always be telling us some good things and making us laugh. Many times its a competition amongst us that who would learn a particular song faster.

One of the best memories is "many times Brother and I would have dinner in Hemanth's home. Aunt would mix the rice, curry in a single plate and feed us all; at the same time tells u many things/stories." I think our mothers' figured it out that we are eating properly only when we are fed together.

I am the eldest (in terms of class, actually Hemanth and I are of same age) of the gang and any game we play I would make sure that I was the winner. Such an ambitious kid I was! I was also sort of gang leader solving any disputes among the gang members.

Hemanth, Teja, My Brother and I, ahh! what gang it is!!

Those were the best days in my life!! If I am not mistaken those were the best days in our lives!!

I still remember the day they moved into a different place. I was in sixth class and was very very sad and for the first time in my life I felt I was loosing something.

People I have to tell you something, I dont keep in touch with people once they move out of my life. It's due to some reason not me. I know it's not a good thing, but i am like that.

So, i rarely met them after that. But we always exchanged new year and birthday cards.

Now we are busy with our lives.

Hemanth has completed his Btech
Teja studying Btech in Bits Goa
My brother studying MBBS
Gopi writing this blog (and yeah also job in Deloitte...:P)

But we are always the best pals and the good old stupid kids who like only playing and playing!


PS:

I dont like when people come to me and ask whether the characters and the stories in my blog are real or fictitious.

Dear Friends, all the stories are true and all characters are alive and names are accurate. Whenever i copy some information from any source I always mention in my Post.

And for your information, you can find Hemanth and Teja in my blog followers.

It happened in a week!

This is the continuation to one of my previous posts namely "What happens in a week?"

Many things happened in a week!!

Thank you to my new special friend!!!

Even you are miles away, even we never met, your words moved me in a such way that I started believing in something I thought impossible.

Love u for your simple and profound words...:)

My clock says its 2am now!!!

Caution : This post is written for me not for readers!!!

" Dont make any assumptions about Gopi, You see him laughing, joking, teasing. But he is an entirely different person inside. Much more philosophical than you can imagine." one of my best friend's told new people I have made friends with recently.

Funny thing is they mentioned this to me!

I agree with my friend, though philosophical is not a right word!

I was born with interest on how life works (is this philosophical?). Being an extremist i always went into the depths of things. Few years back I got a doubt, "Can a person be happy all the time irrespective of what is happening to him or what happened to him?" This is a turning point. I searched and searched, there are times I read 3/4 books a week. Experimenting, mistreating myself. Going through all sorts of suffering just for the sake of this quest. I came across many so called masters, everyone is telling so many things, yeah it helped me witness many miracles, but no one is giving me the entire puzzle, only pieces!

I was dissapointed but I kept searching and searching. There it is!; one fine day I met a person, he introduced me to Torkom Saraydarian. One of very very few persons I know of who can give you the entire puzzle. Torkom is shaping me now!

"Gopi you look so innocent, so young, but how sweet you are, how much beautiful knowledge you have!" an old man hugged me and told me this 2 days back. I can say this one of the most emotional and best compliment I have ever got till now. But I must admit, "I know nothing, I am more stupid than many people out there."

My dear old man all this things came out of my search and majorly out of Torkom, no credit goes to me.


Now people tell me this,

There are a group of people, who started loving you, accepting you as one in their group. Eventually you fell in love with the group. You love the sheer pleasure of being with him. Now you realized that the direction in which the group moving is not right, at least not in the same direction as you. You realized that the belief system of the group is wrong. You truly love them and want to help them.

What will you do?

You have only two options,

1.) Run away from the group
2.) Be in the group and try to help them.

Obviously you would say a person has to choose 2nd option.

But what if the group contains 100's of people?
what if it contains 1000's and much more???

Fighting with the belief system of single person is itself a Hercules process, what can be done with a group of this strength??

I don't understand "Why is it always be so much difficult!!!"

I decided to keep doing what I am good at doing. i.e. "Keep moving ahead, no matter what!"

PS: My clock says its 2:23 am now!!!!